1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:08,100 [WOMAN] 35-YEAR-OLD TARYN BRUMFITT IS MAKING WAVES 4 00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:11,367 ONLINE FOR HER SERIES OF POST-BABY BODY PHOTOS. 5 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,100 SHE LEARNED TO LOVE HER OWN BODY, 6 00:01:13,133 --> 00:01:14,767 AND NOW SHE'S ON A MISSION TO HELP OTHERS DO THE SAME. 7 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,700 SHE'S BARING ALL TO ENCOURAGE WOMEN 8 00:01:16,733 --> 00:01:19,067 TO ACCEPT AND APPRECIATE THEIR BODIES. 9 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,700 TARYN POSTED THE PICTURES AS PART OF HER CAMPAIGN 10 00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:24,167 TO TACKLE NEGATIVE BODY IMAGES. 11 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,667 SHE SAYS THAT AFTER THE BIRTH OF HER THIRD CHILD 12 00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:29,067 SHE BECAME OBSESSED WITH GETTING BACK 13 00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:30,733 TO HER PRE-PREGNANCY BODY. 14 00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:33,167 IT WAS JUST THIS ORDINARY SUNDAY 15 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,667 AND I WAS HANGING OUT WITH SOME GIRLFRIENDS 16 00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:36,500 AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT OUR BODIES. 17 00:01:36,533 --> 00:01:38,567 AND THEY WERE SAYING THAT THEY WERE STRUGGLING 18 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:42,167 WITH THEIR CHANGING BODY AND THEIR AGING BODY. 19 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:43,833 AND AS I WAS DRIVING HOME I WAS THINKING, 20 00:01:43,867 --> 00:01:46,200 WHAT COULD I DO TO HELP THEM? 21 00:01:46,233 --> 00:01:49,333 SO LATER THAT NIGHT, I PUT A BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTOGRAPH 22 00:01:49,367 --> 00:01:50,633 ON FACEBOOK. 23 00:01:52,233 --> 00:01:55,067 WELL, TRADITIONAL BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTOGRAPHS, 24 00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:56,667 THERE'S A WOMAN BEFORE, 25 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,633 SHE'S HEAVIER THAN THE AFTER PHOTOGRAPH, 26 00:01:58,667 --> 00:02:01,100 AND SHE'S NOT VERY HAPPY, AND THEN SHE LOSES WEIGHT, 27 00:02:01,133 --> 00:02:03,033 AND THEN SHE'S MIRACULOUSLY HAPPY. 28 00:02:03,067 --> 00:02:04,733 SO MY BEFORE, I SWAPPED THEM. 29 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,467 I KNEW AS SOON AS I POSTED IT THAT IT HIT A NOTE, 30 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,500 BECAUSE ALL OF THE COMPUTERS AND THE PHONES IN THE HOUSE 31 00:02:15,533 --> 00:02:17,800 WERE GOING PING PING PING PING PING. 32 00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:20,533 AND MY HUSBAND, MATT, WHO WAS IN THE LOUNGE ROOM, 33 00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:22,167 YELLS OUT, "WHAT'S GOING ON?" 34 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:25,067 I'M LIKE, "OH, NOTHING. NOTHING'S HAPPENING." 35 00:02:28,267 --> 00:02:30,100 YEAH, THE NEXT MINUTE TARYN'S GOING, 36 00:02:30,133 --> 00:02:31,667 "IT'S GOING VIRAL." 37 00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:34,533 I'M LIKE, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S GOING VIRAL?" 38 00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:36,433 SO, YEAH, I RAN IN THE OFFICE AND I SAW THE PICTURE, 39 00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:38,067 I'M LIKE, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THAT?" 40 00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:40,233 AND SHE'S LIKE, "OH, WELL, I PUT IT ON FACEBOOK 41 00:02:40,267 --> 00:02:41,500 AND NOW IT'S GONE VIRAL." 42 00:02:41,533 --> 00:02:42,833 "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU PUT IT ON FACEBOOK? 43 00:02:42,867 --> 00:02:44,500 AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S GONE VIRAL?" 44 00:02:44,533 --> 00:02:47,333 THERE WAS THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE LIKING IT 45 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:48,833 AND SHARING IT AND COMMENTING IT. 46 00:02:48,867 --> 00:02:52,233 I'M LIKE, "YOU SERIOUSLY, YOU PUT THAT--" 47 00:02:52,267 --> 00:02:54,367 BECAUSE ESSENTIALLY IT WAS, I MEAN, TARYN IN STARK. 48 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,833 ESSENTIALLY, LIKE, TASTEFULLY STARK, 49 00:02:57,867 --> 00:02:59,700 BUT STARK NONE THE LESS. 50 00:02:59,733 --> 00:03:03,333 [TARYN] THAT BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTOGRAPH WENT EVERYWHERE. 51 00:03:03,367 --> 00:03:05,667 IT WAS HEADLINE NEWS IN PARIS, IN LONDON, 52 00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:08,300 IT WAS IN LEBANON, IT WAS IN CANADA, 53 00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:10,267 IT WAS IN THE U.S., IT WAS IN KOREA. 54 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:13,800 IT WAS EVERYWHERE. IT BROKE PEOPLE'S BRAINS 55 00:03:13,833 --> 00:03:16,700 TO THINK THAT A WOMAN COULD LOVE HER BODY AFTERWARDS. 56 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:23,467 I MEAN, FOR ME, LIVING THIS REALLY NORMAL LIFE 57 00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:26,833 WITH MY THREE KIDS, WORKING AS A PHOTOGRAPHER, 58 00:03:26,867 --> 00:03:28,800 AND THEN HAVING A RUSSIAN FILM CREW 59 00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,633 RUCK UP AND SPEND TWO DAYS WITH ME? I MEAN, THAT'S WEIRD. 60 00:03:31,667 --> 00:03:33,533 HI, I'M TARYN BRUMFITT. 61 00:03:33,567 --> 00:03:35,500 [TRANSLATION IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 62 00:03:39,067 --> 00:03:41,100 TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, IT APPEARED LIKE I WAS 63 00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:42,500 IN A MEDIA WHIRLWIND. 64 00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:46,267 WERE YOU SHOCKED AT THE REACTION THAT YOU GOT 65 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:49,533 -WHEN YOU POSTED THAT BEFORE AND AFTER? -I WAS. 66 00:03:49,567 --> 00:03:53,267 BUT WHAT NO ONE SAW WAS WHAT WAS HAPPENING BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, 67 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,400 AND THAT WAS ME ON MY EMAIL 68 00:03:55,433 --> 00:03:56,833 UNTIL TWO OR THREE IN THE MORNING 69 00:03:56,867 --> 00:04:00,400 JUST TRYING TO READ THROUGH THE THOUSANDS OF EMAILS 70 00:04:00,433 --> 00:04:03,367 THAT I RECEIVED FROM WOMEN, AND FROM MEN, TOO. 71 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,633 AND THEIR STORIES WERE-- 72 00:04:05,667 --> 00:04:09,133 GOSH, THEIR STORIES WERE QUITE HEARTBREAKING. 73 00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:11,800 "I HAVE A FOUR YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND I'VE NEVER SWUM WITH HER, 74 00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:14,167 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A PAIR OF BATHERS." 75 00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:17,633 "I'VE NOT BEEN INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND 76 00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:19,033 FOR THREE YEARS, 77 00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:21,100 BECAUSE I THINK I LOOK DISGUSTING. 78 00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:22,800 HE TELLS ME HE LOVES ME, 79 00:04:22,833 --> 00:04:25,633 BUT I JUST CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO BE NAKED IN FRONT OF HIM." 80 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,133 "I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AS A CHILD 81 00:04:29,167 --> 00:04:30,833 AND NEVER TOLD ANYONE. 82 00:04:30,867 --> 00:04:32,700 I'VE EATEN AS A WAY TO NUMB THE PAIN, 83 00:04:32,733 --> 00:04:34,600 BUT NOW I'M JUST FAT. 84 00:04:34,633 --> 00:04:36,200 AND NO ONE KNOWS MY STORY 85 00:04:36,233 --> 00:04:39,200 AND EVERYONE JUDGES ME AS IF I'M A LAZY PIG, 86 00:04:39,233 --> 00:04:40,533 AND I'M NOT. 87 00:04:40,567 --> 00:04:42,100 I'M JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE." 88 00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:48,833 SO MANY PEOPLE ASK ME THE QUESTION, 89 00:04:48,867 --> 00:04:51,167 "HOW DID YOU LEARN TO LOVE YOUR BODY 90 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,067 AND WHAT DID YOU DO?" 91 00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:55,733 AND FOR ME, I GUESS IT WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THAT. 92 00:04:55,767 --> 00:04:58,233 I DIDN'T ALWAYS LOVE MY BODY. 93 00:04:58,267 --> 00:05:02,333 I GREW UP LIKE MOST WOMEN, DIETING, LOSING WEIGHT, 94 00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:03,833 GAINING WEIGHT, THINKING, 95 00:05:03,867 --> 00:05:05,433 "OH, I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE THAT CELLULITE," 96 00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:07,233 OR, "I WISH I WAS SMALLER HERE," 97 00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:10,033 WHATEVER IT WAS, BUT IT WAS ALWAYS 98 00:05:10,067 --> 00:05:14,067 A RELATIVELY HEALTHY BODY IMAGE THAT I HAD. 99 00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,500 BUT AFTER I HAD MY FIRST CHILD, 100 00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,567 IT ALL CHANGED FOR ME. 101 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,333 BEING PREGNANT WAS THE BEST THING EVER. 102 00:05:21,367 --> 00:05:23,400 I LOVED GROWING A BABY. 103 00:05:23,433 --> 00:05:25,633 I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. 104 00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:27,200 [MAN] 20 TO THREE? 105 00:05:27,233 --> 00:05:29,667 -[WOMAN] IT'S A BOY. -[MATHEW] HELLO, BABY. 106 00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:33,600 THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU ARE. 107 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,400 I REMEMBER SHOWERING JUST A FEW HOURS AFTERWARDS, 108 00:05:41,433 --> 00:05:46,100 AND THE BUMP THAT I HAD GROWN TO LOVE FOR ALL THAT TIME, 109 00:05:46,133 --> 00:05:49,367 I LOOKED DOWN, I WAS LIKE, "WHAT THE-- HAS HAPPENED HERE?" 110 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:53,200 IT WAS JUST THIS JELLY BELLY MESS. 111 00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:04,400 YEAH, WELL, AT FIRST WHEN I SAW IT I THOUGHT, 112 00:06:04,433 --> 00:06:06,100 "TARYN, YOU'VE JUST GIVEN BIRTH. 113 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,067 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT FOR NOW, 114 00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:10,033 AND IT'LL GET BETTER." 115 00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:11,600 I EXPECTED IT TO GET BETTER, 116 00:06:11,633 --> 00:06:14,533 BUT I REMEMBER WHEN OLIVER WAS AROUND SIX WEEKS OLD, 117 00:06:14,567 --> 00:06:19,400 I THOUGHT, OKAY, IT'S TIME TO GET MY BODY BACK. 118 00:06:19,433 --> 00:06:22,833 YEAH, I JUMPED ON THE COURT AND PLAYED PRETTY HARD, 119 00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:26,300 AND THEN THERE WAS THIS ONE INTERCEPT THAT I TOOK, 120 00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:30,300 WHERE I FELT SOMETHING WARM RUNNING DOWN MY LEGS. 121 00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:32,033 IT WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD." 122 00:06:32,067 --> 00:06:34,133 AND I'D WET MYSELF. 123 00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:35,533 IT WAS DEVASTATING. 124 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:44,533 OVER THE NEXT THREE YEARS, I HAD ANOTHER TWO BEAUTIFUL AND HEALTHY CHILDREN, 125 00:06:44,567 --> 00:06:48,033 BUT IN TERMS OF MY BODY, THINGS WENT FROM BAD TO WORSE. 126 00:06:52,267 --> 00:06:54,833 I HAD NIPPLES THE SIZE OF DINNER PLATES. 127 00:06:54,867 --> 00:06:57,567 DURING INTIMATE MOMENTS, MY BREASTS WOULD LEAK. 128 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,400 AND THEN THERE WAS THE TIME I POOED MYSELF 129 00:06:59,433 --> 00:07:03,367 IN FRONT OF MATT BECAUSE MY PELVIC FLOOR WAS SHOT. 130 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,500 I ENDED UP HATING MY BODY. 131 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:12,333 I FELT LIKE MY BODY WAS BROKEN. 132 00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:16,767 HEADING TO THE SURGEON WAS A REALLY OBVIOUS CHOICE AS A QUICK FIX. 133 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,567 AND WE BOOKED IN THE SURGERY, 134 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,367 AND EVERYTHING I'D BEEN THROUGH, 135 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,600 THE HATING AND THE LOATHING OF MY BODY, 136 00:07:23,633 --> 00:07:25,033 IT WAS ALL GOING TO BE FIXED. 137 00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:26,267 IT WAS SO EXCITING. 138 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:31,033 AND THEN I WAS WATCHING MIKAELA PLAYING 139 00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:35,733 AND I JUST HAD THIS MOMENT OF, "HOW AM I GOING TO HAVE SURGERY?" 140 00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:38,600 LIKE, WHAT-- WHAT MESSAGE WILL THAT SEND MIKAELA? 141 00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:40,200 WHAT WILL THAT DO FOR HER? 142 00:07:40,233 --> 00:07:41,633 MIKAELA! 143 00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:43,333 -HI! -CHEESE. 144 00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:45,100 [TARYN] CHEESE. 145 00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:49,633 I WANTED HER TO EMBRACE AND LOVE HER BODY JUST AS IT WAS. 146 00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:52,100 AND IT ACTUALLY BROKE MY HEART AS A MOTHER 147 00:07:52,133 --> 00:07:55,433 TO THINK THAT MY CHOICE TO CHANGE MY BODY 148 00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:59,433 MAY SET MIKAELA UP TO WANT TO CHANGE HER BODY, TOO. 149 00:07:59,467 --> 00:08:01,300 AND I LOOK AT HER AND I GO, "YOU'RE PERFECT 150 00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:03,733 NO MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE." 151 00:08:03,767 --> 00:08:06,333 SO I COULDN'T GO AHEAD WITH THE SURGERY. 152 00:08:06,367 --> 00:08:07,533 I COULDN'T DO IT. 153 00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:10,767 I WANTED TO MAKE THAT CHOICE FOR HER, 154 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,567 BUT I WAS STILL LEFT IN A BODY THAT I HATED. 155 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,500 FROM THAT MOMENT I HIT ROCK BOTTOM. 156 00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:20,433 I'M STUCK IN THIS HIDEOUS BODY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 157 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:28,200 I HAD A FRIEND WHO WAS A PERSONAL TRAINER, 158 00:08:28,233 --> 00:08:29,767 AND I SAID TO HER ONE DAY, 159 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,667 "I JUST CAN'T GET THIS THOUGHT OUT OF MY HEAD. 160 00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:36,033 WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO HAVE THE PERFECT BODY? 161 00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:38,633 WOULD IT CHANGE ME? WOULD IT MAKE ME HAPPY?" 162 00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:41,200 AND SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T YOU TRAIN 163 00:08:41,233 --> 00:08:43,600 AND ENTER A BODY BUILDING COMPETITION?" 164 00:08:43,633 --> 00:08:46,233 I WAS LIKE, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" 165 00:08:46,267 --> 00:08:49,767 AND THEN BEFORE I KNEW IT, 5 A.M. I WAS AT THE GYM EVERY MORNING 166 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,367 TRAINING, TRAINING, TRAINING. 167 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,800 [GRUNTS] 168 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:56,833 AND I CHANGED MY WHOLE DIET AND THE WAY I LIVED. 169 00:08:56,867 --> 00:08:58,667 THERE WAS A LOT OF PERSONAL SACRIFICE, 170 00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:00,800 BUT THERE WAS A LOT OF SACRIFICE FROM MATT 171 00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:03,100 AND THE KIDS, TOO. 172 00:09:03,133 --> 00:09:05,733 FOR 15 LONG WEEKS I WATCHED WHAT I ATE 173 00:09:05,767 --> 00:09:07,433 AND I TRAINED HARD. 174 00:09:07,467 --> 00:09:10,033 AND, YOU KNOW WHAT? I MADE IT. 175 00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:13,100 [ANNOUNCER] NUMBER FIVE, TARYN BRUMFITT. 176 00:09:13,133 --> 00:09:14,500 [CHEERING] 177 00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:18,133 SO STANDING THERE ON STAGE, I EXPECTED TO FEEL 178 00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:21,100 LIKE I HAD ARRIVED AT THE PLACE 179 00:09:21,133 --> 00:09:23,733 THAT I HAD WORKED ALL OF MY LIFE TO GET TO. 180 00:09:23,767 --> 00:09:25,833 I HAD THE PERFECT BIKINI BODY. 181 00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:28,367 IT'S WHAT SO MANY WOMEN THINK ABOUT 182 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,567 AND ARE DRIVEN TO HAVE. 183 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,833 AND IN THAT MOMENT, ALL I COULD THINK WAS, 184 00:09:32,867 --> 00:09:35,033 "TO HAVE WHAT I'VE GOT RIGHT NOW 185 00:09:35,067 --> 00:09:37,167 HAS TAKEN TOO MUCH SACRIFICE, 186 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,167 TOO MUCH TIME, TOO MUCH ENERGY, 187 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,733 TOO MUCH OBSESSION, AND IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT." 188 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,500 I REMEMBER BEING BACKSTAGE 189 00:09:46,533 --> 00:09:49,233 AND LISTENING TO THE CONVERSATIONS 190 00:09:49,267 --> 00:09:51,533 THAT OTHER WOMEN WERE HAVING. 191 00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:55,800 "I WISH I HAD MORE OF THIS. I WISH I HAD LESS OF THAT. 192 00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:59,367 THIS BIT'S NOT GREAT." IT WAS SHOCKING. 193 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,567 IT WAS LIKE, "GOSH, YOU GUYS THINK THIS, TOO." 194 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,800 [ANNOUNCER] MUSCLE NUTRITION ADELAIDE CLASSIC. 195 00:10:04,833 --> 00:10:08,233 SO I'M STANDING THERE IN MY MOMENT TO SHINE 196 00:10:08,267 --> 00:10:10,400 IN MY PERFECT BODY, AND I'M NOT HAPPY. 197 00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:13,133 AND SOME OF THE WOMEN AROUND ME WEREN'T HAPPY EITHER. 198 00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:16,767 AND IT GOT ME THINKING, "HOW THE HECK IS ANYONE ELSE 199 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,833 GONNA BE HAPPY WITH THEIR BODY?" 200 00:10:19,867 --> 00:10:22,333 THIS WAS A BIG REVELATION FOR ME, 201 00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:24,433 AND A MAJOR TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE. 202 00:10:27,633 --> 00:10:29,367 SO THE NEXT DAY I GOT UP 203 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,733 AND JUST STARTED MY LIFE AGAIN, 204 00:10:31,767 --> 00:10:35,433 BUT WITH THE FLICK OF THE SWITCH INSIDE MY HEAD, 205 00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:39,400 WHICH WAS, "THIS BODY OF MINE, IT'S NOT AN ORNAMENT. 206 00:10:39,433 --> 00:10:40,800 IT'S A VEHICLE." 207 00:10:40,833 --> 00:10:42,500 SO I WANNA FUEL IT WELL, 208 00:10:42,533 --> 00:10:45,200 AND I WANNA MOVE IT AND BE HEALTHY, 209 00:10:45,233 --> 00:10:47,367 BUT I WANNA DO IT ON MY TERMS. 210 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:52,267 SO RUNNING UP A HILL AND GETTING TO THE TOP 211 00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:54,133 WAS GREAT BECAUSE OF THE ENDORPHINS 212 00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,433 AND HOW GREAT IT FEELS TO BE IN NATURE 213 00:10:56,467 --> 00:11:00,367 AND NOT SO MUCH ABOUT HOW MANY CALORIES HAVE I BURNT? 214 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,067 AND FOOD BECAME JUST JOYOUS AGAIN. 215 00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:06,400 I LOVE FOOD AND I LOVE GOOD FOOD. 216 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,600 IT WAS REALLY FREEING. IT WAS REALLY LIBERATING. 217 00:11:08,633 --> 00:11:10,500 IN FACT, IT WAS THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE 218 00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:12,133 WAS AFTER THE COMPETITION, 219 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:14,267 JUST BEING, AND MOVING, AND BEING HAPPY, 220 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:15,300 AND BEING BALANCED. 221 00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:23,133 BY THIS STAGE, THE BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTO 222 00:11:23,167 --> 00:11:26,067 HAD BEEN SEEN BY OVER A HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE. 223 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,367 THE RESPONSE WAS OVERWHELMING, 224 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,033 AND IT BECAME CLEAR TO ME THAT THIS ISSUE 225 00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:33,567 WAS MUCH BIGGER THAN I EVER REALIZED. 226 00:11:35,767 --> 00:11:39,733 CAN YOU GIVE ME A COUPLE OF WORDS TO DESCRIBE YOUR BODY? 227 00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:43,167 UM... 228 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,767 NOT PERFECT. 229 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,033 WOBBLY. 230 00:11:46,067 --> 00:11:48,067 STUMPY. 231 00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,267 VERY AVERAGE. 232 00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:51,133 SHORT. 233 00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:53,100 I DON'T LIKE MY THIGHS. I THINK MY THIGHS ARE A BIT BIG. 234 00:11:53,133 --> 00:11:54,700 NOT NICE TO LOOK AT. 235 00:11:54,733 --> 00:11:57,767 IT'S VERY-- I DON'T LIKE THIS BODY, 236 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,267 LIKE, NOW, REALLY. 237 00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:02,167 WISH I COULD CUT THIS OFF OR SOMETHING. 238 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:06,433 I HATE IT. I FEEL DISGUSTING. 239 00:12:06,467 --> 00:12:07,733 DISGUSTING. 240 00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:10,267 I FEEL DISGUSTING. 241 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,067 [TARYN] THAT WAS HEARTBREAKING, 242 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,033 AND SUCH A FAMILIAR STORY. 243 00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:23,233 ALTHOUGH I KNOW WHAT WORKED FOR ME, 244 00:12:23,267 --> 00:12:25,533 AND HOW I MADE PEACE WITH MY BODY, 245 00:12:25,567 --> 00:12:28,300 I DON'T HAVE THE ANSWERS FOR EVERYONE. 246 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,267 NOT ONLY HAVE PEOPLE WHO ARE STRUGGLING 247 00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,800 REACHED OUT TO ME, 248 00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:39,667 BUT SOME REALLY UNEXPECTED AND FASCINATING PEOPLE HAVE AS WELL. 249 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,200 SO I'M HEADING OUT INTO THE WORLD 250 00:12:42,233 --> 00:12:44,700 ON A NINE-WEEK JOURNEY TO MEET SOME OF THEM. 251 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,333 BE SAFE. 252 00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:52,567 I FEEL COMPELLED TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND 253 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,300 WHY SO MANY PEOPLE ARE HATING THEIR BODY, 254 00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:57,200 AND WHAT WE CAN DO ABOUT IT. 255 00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,033 FIRST STOP, SYDNEY. 256 00:13:02,633 --> 00:13:04,367 I'VE COME TO SEE MIA FREEDMAN. 257 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,367 SHE WAS THE YOUNGEST EDITOR OF "COSMOPOLITAN" MAGAZINE, 258 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,800 AND HAS BEEN TACKLING THE ISSUE OF BODY IMAGE FOR YEARS. 259 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:13,567 I WAS ALWAYS OBSESSED WITH MAGAZINES. 260 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,333 I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THEM, BECAUSE IN THE '70S AND THE '80S, 261 00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:19,367 THAT'S THE ONLY KIND OF WOMEN'S MEDIA THERE WAS, 262 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,667 AND THAT WAS THE ONLY KIND OF PLACE THAT YOU COULD READ 263 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:25,467 ABOUT WOMEN'S ISSUES AND SEE PICTURES OF WOMEN-- 264 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,533 OUTSIDE OF MEN'S MAGAZINES, I GUESS. 265 00:13:27,567 --> 00:13:29,533 I KNEW WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO GET TO THE END 266 00:13:29,567 --> 00:13:30,833 OF THIS MAGAZINE THAT I LOVED, 267 00:13:30,867 --> 00:13:33,100 AND FEEL LIKE I WASN'T ENOUGH. 268 00:13:33,133 --> 00:13:35,533 I WASN'T TALL ENOUGH, I WASN'T SKINNY ENOUGH, 269 00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:37,467 I WASN'T BLOND ENOUGH, I WASN'T... 270 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,633 ANYTHING ENOUGH. I JUST WASN'T ENOUGH. 271 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:44,133 AND THEN WHEN I BECAME AN EDITOR MYSELF, 272 00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:46,333 I REALLY WANTED TO MAKE SOME CHANGES. 273 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,333 SO, THE FIRST THING I DID WAS GET RID OF DIETS. 274 00:13:48,367 --> 00:13:51,467 THEN I STARTED USING MODELS OF DIFFERENT SHAPES, 275 00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:54,333 SIZES, AND SKIN COLORS. 276 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:57,333 THE FIRST THING I DID WAS A LINGERIE FASHION SHOOT 277 00:13:57,367 --> 00:14:01,300 WITH A MODEL WHO WAS ABOUT A SIZE 16. 278 00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:05,300 AT THAT TIME WOMEN'S MAGAZINES DID MAYBE ONE TOKEN 279 00:14:05,333 --> 00:14:07,833 BIG GIRL SHOOT PER YEAR, 280 00:14:07,867 --> 00:14:11,367 AND IT WOULD BE, USUALLY, SOME GIRL DRESSED IN FRUMPY CARDIGANS. 281 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,067 AND I WANTED-- I WAS THE EDITOR OF "COSMO," 282 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,700 I WANTED TO DRESS HER IN A "COSMO" WAY. 283 00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:16,500 I WANTED TO MAKE HER LOOK SEXY 284 00:14:16,533 --> 00:14:19,067 IN THE SAME WAY THAT THE GIRL ON THE COVER WOULD BE DRESSED, 285 00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:20,767 IN THE SAME WAY THAT A SIZE 8 GIRL WOULD BE DRESSED. 286 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,033 MY FASHION EDITOR WAS HORRIFIED, 287 00:14:23,067 --> 00:14:25,767 AND THEN SHE KEPT COMING TO ME AND SAYING, "I CAN'T GET ANY CLOTHES." 288 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,167 AND I WENT, "WHAT, THEY DON'T MAKE CLOTHES FOR SIZE 16S? 289 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,300 I THINK THAT THEY DO." AND SHE SAID, "NO, THEY DO, 290 00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:34,467 BUT CLOTHING DESIGNERS DON'T WANT THEIR BRAND 291 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,667 ASSOCIATED WITH ANYONE LARGER THAN A SIZE 8." 292 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:39,533 SO I WAS SO SHOCKED BY THE HYPOCRISY OF THAT, 293 00:14:39,567 --> 00:14:41,100 THAT THEY WERE HAPPY TO TAKE THE MONEY OF WOMEN 294 00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:44,067 OF ALL SIZES UP TO SIZE 22 OR EVEN BEYOND, 295 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,533 BUT THEY DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW. 296 00:14:45,567 --> 00:14:47,433 THAT WAS THEIR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET. 297 00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:50,667 SO I JUST SAID, "WELL, FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL SEND US CLOTHES." 298 00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:53,167 AND EVENTUALLY SHE DID IT, AND THE PHOTOGRAPHER 299 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,767 DIDN'T WANT HIS NAME ON THE SHOOT, 300 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,667 THE MAKEUP ARTIST DIDN'T WANT HER NAME ON THE SHOOT. 301 00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:59,067 IT WAS A REAL BATTLE, AND IT CONTINUED TO BE A REAL BATTLE 302 00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,333 THROUGHOUT THE NEXT SEVEN YEARS 303 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,600 AS I EDITED THAT MAGAZINE. 304 00:15:02,633 --> 00:15:05,733 [TARYN] SO, MIA, WHY WAS BRINGING BODY DIVERSITY 305 00:15:05,767 --> 00:15:07,467 INTO YOUR MAGAZINE SO IMPORTANT? 306 00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:10,567 YOU KNOW, IF YOU JUST LOOK AT WOMEN'S MAGAZINES 307 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:14,167 IN THE LAST 30, 40, 50 YEARS, YOU COULD BE FORGIVEN FOR THINKING THAT 308 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,667 THERE'S ONLY ONE TYPE OF WOMAN WHO EXISTS IN THE WORLD, 309 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:21,033 AND SHE IS SIX-FOOT TALL, ABOUT 17 YEARS OLD, 310 00:15:21,067 --> 00:15:23,100 USUALLY BLONDE, BLUE-EYED, 311 00:15:23,133 --> 00:15:24,467 SKIN LIKE PLASTIC. 312 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,133 AND, IN FACT, SHE'S AN ALIEN, 313 00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:30,100 BECAUSE SHE'S CREATED ON A COMPUTER. 314 00:15:30,133 --> 00:15:33,600 AND WOMEN CONSCIOUSLY AND SUBCONSCIOUSLY COMPARE THEMSELVES. 315 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:36,133 AND IF YOU'RE ALWAYS COMPARING YOURSELF 316 00:15:36,167 --> 00:15:39,400 TO SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST, 317 00:15:39,433 --> 00:15:41,667 HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY FEEL GOOD WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR 318 00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:43,200 OR WHEN YOU LOOK DOWN AT YOURSELF? 319 00:16:09,433 --> 00:16:12,233 AND YOU HAVE TO BE HOT AND SKINNY ALL THE TIME. 320 00:16:12,267 --> 00:16:13,833 WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT, YOU HAVE TO LOOK HOT. 321 00:16:13,867 --> 00:16:16,167 YOU JUST ARE ONLY ALLOWED TO HAVE A BIT OF A BUMP. 322 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,067 THE MINUTE YOU GIVE BIRTH, YOU HAVE TO BE A YUMMY MOMMY, 323 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,367 YOU HAVE TO BE A COUGAR, 324 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,233 YOU HAVE TO BE HOT AT EVERY AGE AT EVERY STAGE. 325 00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:27,733 AND THAT'S A SHOCKING BURDEN AND A SHOCKING INDICTMENT 326 00:16:27,767 --> 00:16:30,100 OF HOW OUR CULTURE DEVALUES WOMEN 327 00:16:30,133 --> 00:16:31,400 BY JUST HOW WE LOOK. 328 00:16:34,333 --> 00:16:37,600 [TARYN] WE'VE BECOME SO USED TO SEEING THE ONE TYPE OF BODY. 329 00:16:37,633 --> 00:16:40,033 IT'S EVERYWHERE. IT'S ALL AROUND. 330 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:43,733 BUSES, BILLBOARDS, MAGAZINE COVERS. 331 00:16:43,767 --> 00:16:47,500 BUT AS IT TURNS OUT, EVEN THE GIRL IN THE MAGAZINE 332 00:16:47,533 --> 00:16:49,600 DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE GIRL IN THE MAGAZINE. 333 00:16:51,633 --> 00:16:54,167 IT'S NO WONDER SO MANY WOMEN ARE DISSATISFIED 334 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,100 WITH THEIR BODIES. 335 00:16:56,133 --> 00:16:58,600 MAYBE WE'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT THE AVERAGE BODY LOOKS LIKE. 336 00:17:18,267 --> 00:17:20,600 [WOMAN] IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO BREAK INTO THE MODELING INDUSTRY. 337 00:17:20,633 --> 00:17:23,167 MY SIZE HAD A BIG THING TO DO WITH IT, 338 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,800 BECAUSE I WAS CONSIDERED TOO BIG. 339 00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:29,500 I WAS A SIZE 10. I'M CURRENTLY A SIZE 12. 340 00:17:29,533 --> 00:17:33,467 AND AGENCY AFTER AGENCY TURNED ME DOWN, 341 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,633 AND I WAS TOLD THAT I WOULD BE CONSIDERED A PLUS SIZE MODEL. 342 00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:40,267 WHAT THEY CALL PLUS SIZE MODELS OFTEN GET RIDICULED 343 00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,733 BY DESIGNERS AND OTHER STRAIGHT SIZE MODELS 344 00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:45,133 FOR BEING CURVIER. 345 00:17:45,167 --> 00:17:47,533 AND WE'RE OFTEN LOOKED AT AS SECOND BEST 346 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,800 AND USED AS A GIMMICK ALMOST. 347 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,033 PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE MODELING INDUSTRY 348 00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:02,167 THAT SEE MODELS LIKE MYSELF OR BIGGER DRESS SIZES 349 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,500 ALL LABELLED AS PLUS SIZE, 350 00:18:03,533 --> 00:18:05,667 IT SENDS A SKEWED BODY IMAGE PERSPECTIVE, 351 00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:08,567 BECAUSE THEN A YOUNG GIRL WILL LOOK AT THAT WOMAN 352 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,633 THAT'S THE SAME SIZE AS HER LABELED AS PLUS SIZE, 353 00:18:10,667 --> 00:18:13,567 AND THAT'S SENDING THE MESSAGE THAT SHE'S NOT SLIM ENOUGH. 354 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,767 IT'S EXTREMELY DAMAGING, 355 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,433 ESPECIALLY WITH THE MANNEQUINS THEY USE IN STORES 356 00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:19,167 WHICH ARE IMPOSSIBLY TINY. 357 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,133 VERY FEW WOMEN ARE NATURALLY THAT SIZE. 358 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,500 SO FOR A WOMAN WALKING INTO A STORE AND SEEING THE CLOTHING 359 00:18:23,533 --> 00:18:24,833 ON THE MANNEQUIN LOOKING BEAUTIFUL, 360 00:18:24,867 --> 00:18:26,433 AND SHE'S WANTING TO WEAR IT, 361 00:18:26,467 --> 00:18:28,500 AND SHE GOES AND TRIES IT ON IN THE CHANGING ROOM 362 00:18:28,533 --> 00:18:30,767 AND IT DOESN'T HANG ON HER PROPERLY, 363 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,767 IT DOESN'T FLATTER HER FIGURE, 364 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,600 IT'S VERY DAMAGING. IT'S VERY UPSETTING. 365 00:18:34,633 --> 00:18:36,133 IT'S FRUSTRATING. 366 00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:38,600 YOU END UP THINKING YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. 367 00:18:38,633 --> 00:18:40,367 THE WOMAN TRYING THE CLOTHES ON IS NOT THE PROBLEM, 368 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,667 IT'S THE CLOTHING AND THE DESIGNERS. 369 00:18:44,233 --> 00:18:47,667 I HAVE SEEN SO MANY WOMEN STRUGGLE WITH BODY IMAGE. 370 00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:49,167 WHEN YOU HATE YOUR BODY, 371 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,033 IT EATS AWAY AT EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE. 372 00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:52,633 IT EATS AWAY AT YOUR WORK, IT EATS AWAY AT YOUR SCHOOLING, 373 00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:55,533 IT EATS AWAY AT YOUR FAMILY, YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. 374 00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,267 THAT IS A MAIN THOUGHT SO MANY GIRLS HAVE IS, 375 00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:58,633 "I HATE MY BODY, I HATE MY BODY," 376 00:18:58,667 --> 00:19:00,333 AND THEY CAN'T FOCUS ON ANYTHING. 377 00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:08,767 I WENT THROUGH DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY 378 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,733 FROM HATING MY BODY. 379 00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:13,667 I DIDN'T LEAVE MY ROOM, 380 00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:17,167 I TORTURED MYSELF BY LOOKING AT GIRLS IN MAGAZINES. 381 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,500 I WANTED TO GET AN EATING DISORDER. 382 00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:19,633 I WANTED TO GET ANOREXIA. 383 00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:21,433 I WANTED TO BE SKINNY. 384 00:19:21,467 --> 00:19:24,067 AND IN THE MODELING INDUSTRY THERE'S SO MUCH PRESSURE, 385 00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,300 EVEN FOR THE SMALLER SIZED GIRLS 386 00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:28,700 TO STAY WITHIN THOSE TINY MEASUREMENTS. 387 00:19:28,733 --> 00:19:30,333 AND I'VE SEEN CRAZY THINGS. 388 00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:32,167 I'VE SEEN GIRLS FAINT BEHIND STAGE. 389 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,700 I'VE SEEN GIRLS-- 390 00:19:33,733 --> 00:19:36,667 THEY EAT COTTON BALLS TO FILL UP THEIR STOMACHS. 391 00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:38,667 -THEY-- -YOU'VE SEEN GIRLS EAT COTTON BALLS? 392 00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:40,233 COTTON BALLS. 393 00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:43,033 THEY PUT THEM IN GATORADE AND EAT THEM. YEAH. 394 00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:44,400 YOU'VE SEEN THAT WITH YOUR OWN EYES? 395 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,500 YEAH, THEY DO IT. THEY DO IT, 396 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,700 AND THEY FAINT, AS WELL, AND THEY'RE ANGRY. 397 00:19:48,733 --> 00:19:52,833 AND THEIR MAIN TOPIC OF CONVERSATION IS FOOD. THEY'RE SO OBSESSED WITH IT. 398 00:19:52,867 --> 00:19:54,800 BECAUSE WHEN THEY START OUT MODELING, 399 00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:58,533 THEY'RE NATURALLY VERY SLIM BECAUSE THEY'RE 14-15, SAY. 400 00:19:58,567 --> 00:20:01,133 AND THEN THEY HIT PUBERTY AND THEY START GETTING HIPS 401 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,733 AND THEY START GETTING CURVES. 402 00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:06,500 BUT THEIR ONLY OPTION TO STAY WITHIN THE MODELING INDUSTRY 403 00:20:06,533 --> 00:20:08,667 IS TO GET AN EATING DISORDER, BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT NATURALLY 404 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:10,333 GOING TO STAY THAT SIZE THEY WERE WHEN THEY STARTED. 405 00:20:12,067 --> 00:20:14,733 * THIS IS HOW I DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT * 406 00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:18,667 * THIS IS HOW I DO IT AND YOU WONDER HOW * 407 00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:22,700 * EVERYBODY TELLS ME I'M SO HOT RIGHT NOW * 408 00:20:22,733 --> 00:20:24,500 [TARYN] WHEN I SEE MODELS LIKE THIS ON THE CATWALK 409 00:20:24,533 --> 00:20:28,333 AT AUSTRALIAN FASHION WEEK, IT REALLY ANGERS ME, 410 00:20:28,367 --> 00:20:31,033 BECAUSE IT'S PERPETUATING THE MYTH THAT A THIN BODY 411 00:20:31,067 --> 00:20:33,200 IS THE IDEAL. 412 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,467 AND IF MODELS HAVE TO GO TO SUCH EXTREME MEASURES 413 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,600 TO STAY THIS SIZE, IS IT ANY WONDER 414 00:20:38,633 --> 00:20:41,333 SO MANY WOMEN ARE UNHAPPY WITH THEIR BODY? 415 00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:49,200 [WOMAN] I DON'T KNOW, IT'S SORT OF 416 00:20:49,233 --> 00:20:51,133 BEEN GOING ON AND OFF SINCE PRIMARY SCHOOL. 417 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,600 I'D SKIP OUT ON LUNCH SOME DAYS 418 00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:55,467 AND PURPOSELY NOT BRING ANYTHING, 419 00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,300 SEE HOW LONG YOU CAN GO WITHOUT FOOD. 420 00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,600 YOU MAKE IT A DAY AND THINK, "WELL, THAT'S PRETTY AWESOME, 421 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:01,733 I'LL GO TWO DAYS NOW." 422 00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:03,833 AND, I DON'T KNOW, IT SORT OF JUST-- 423 00:21:03,867 --> 00:21:06,467 IN A WAY, IT SORT OF EMPOWERS YOU AND THINK, 424 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:09,033 "OH, I'VE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING." 425 00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:12,700 I THINK YOU JUST GET A BIT HARDER ON YOURSELF, 426 00:21:12,733 --> 00:21:16,600 AND, I DON'T KNOW, BRING IN STRENUOUS EXERCISE 427 00:21:16,633 --> 00:21:19,000 AND IT GETS HARDER AND HARDER. 428 00:21:25,067 --> 00:21:28,033 MY OLDEST BROTHER TALKING WITH HIS MATES ABOUT GIRLS 429 00:21:28,067 --> 00:21:29,833 THAT THEY SAW AT A PARTY, 430 00:21:29,867 --> 00:21:33,067 TALKING ABOUT THEM AND BEING, "OH, HER, SHE'S A FAT CHICK." 431 00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:34,667 YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WANNA BE THAT ONE. 432 00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:40,167 I JUST-- I WISH THEY'D COME UP WITH SOME MAGICAL THING 433 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,400 THAT YOU COULD TAKE THAT WOULD MAKE YOU NEVER GAIN WEIGHT. 434 00:21:43,433 --> 00:21:46,100 YOU COULD JUST NOT WORRY ABOUT IT 435 00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:48,667 AND EAT WHATEVER, AND DO WHATEVER, AND BE FINE. 436 00:21:51,067 --> 00:21:52,500 WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LIVE LIKE IT. 437 00:21:52,533 --> 00:21:57,300 NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO STARVE THEMSELVES TO FIT IN 438 00:21:57,333 --> 00:22:00,200 WITH HOW A MAGAZINE LOOKS. 439 00:22:00,233 --> 00:22:03,833 I MEAN, I'M NOT NATURALLY THIS THIN, 440 00:22:03,867 --> 00:22:06,500 AND LOTS OF MODELS AREN'T NATURALLY THAT THIN. 441 00:22:06,533 --> 00:22:09,667 THEY HAVE TO REALLY WATCH WHAT THEY'RE DOING, 442 00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:11,733 AND IT TAKES UP YOUR LIFE, YOU KNOW? 443 00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:17,567 [TARYN] IT'S HEARTBREAKING TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE PRO-ANOREXIC WEBSITES 444 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,667 THAT SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGE A GROWING NUMBER 445 00:22:19,700 --> 00:22:23,300 OF YOUNG GIRLS AND WOMEN IN MAKING LIFE THREATENING CHOICES. 446 00:22:27,100 --> 00:22:28,700 WHAT WOULD YOU TELL A YOUNG GIRL 447 00:22:28,733 --> 00:22:30,833 WHO WAS FEELING LIKE THEY HATED THEIR BODY 448 00:22:30,867 --> 00:22:35,533 AND THEY WANTED TO STOP EATING AND LIVE THE LIFE THAT YOU LIVE? 449 00:22:35,567 --> 00:22:37,833 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THAT GIRL? 450 00:22:37,867 --> 00:22:42,700 PLEASE DON'T STOP EATING. 451 00:22:42,733 --> 00:22:45,633 DON'T PUT YOURSELF INTO IT BECAUSE YOU-- 452 00:22:45,667 --> 00:22:48,433 IT'S TOO HARD TO GET OUT OF, AND IT JUST GETS WORSE. 453 00:22:54,767 --> 00:22:58,533 THE CURRENT RHETORIC AROUND OBESITY CONTRIBUTES TO THIS, 454 00:22:58,567 --> 00:23:03,833 BECAUSE IF YOU PAINT FAT AS REALLY BAD AND THIN AS GOOD, 455 00:23:03,867 --> 00:23:05,767 THEN THINNER HAS GOTTA BE BETTER, 456 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,700 AND THINNEST HAS GOTTA BE BEST. 457 00:23:10,533 --> 00:23:13,533 COLLECTIVELY, WE'VE SOMEHOW BEEN FED A LINE 458 00:23:13,567 --> 00:23:15,733 THAT BASICALLY THIN IS HEALTHY, 459 00:23:15,767 --> 00:23:17,667 FAT IS UNHEALTHY, BY DEFINITION. 460 00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:19,467 AND THIS IS SIMPLY NOT THE CASE. 461 00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:22,367 THERE ARE LOTS OF THIN PEOPLE WHO ARE UNHEALTHY 462 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:23,533 BY MANY CRITERIA. 463 00:23:23,567 --> 00:23:25,100 THEY EAT BADLY, 464 00:23:25,133 --> 00:23:27,433 THEY HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, WHATEVER IT IS. 465 00:23:27,467 --> 00:23:31,633 AND THERE ARE NUMBERS OF FAT PEOPLE WHO ARE VERY HEALTHY. 466 00:23:31,667 --> 00:23:35,500 THIS IDEA OF HAVING A THIN BODY AND HOW YOU LOOK, 467 00:23:35,533 --> 00:23:37,533 IT'S BECOME REALLY IMPORTANT. 468 00:23:37,567 --> 00:23:42,033 MOSTLY, THIS IS ATTRIBUTED TO THE GLOBALIZATION OF MEDIA. 469 00:23:42,067 --> 00:23:43,500 EVEN IN A PLACE LIKE FIJI, 470 00:23:43,533 --> 00:23:46,333 THAT TRADITIONALLY VALUED A LARGER FATTER BODY, 471 00:23:46,367 --> 00:23:49,333 PRESUMABLY AS A SIGN OF WEALTH AND HEALTH, 472 00:23:49,367 --> 00:23:51,800 VERY SOON AFTER THE INTRODUCTION OF TELEVISION, 473 00:23:51,833 --> 00:23:54,167 YOUNG WOMEN NOW ARE WANTING TO BE THIN, 474 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,800 AND THEY HAD EATING DISORDERS OBSERVED FOR THE FIRST TIME. 475 00:23:57,833 --> 00:24:00,167 AND ALL THIS HAPPENS REALLY RAPIDLY. 476 00:24:02,367 --> 00:24:06,267 WELL-MEANING PARENTS ARE TRYING TO PRAISE THEIR CHILDREN, 477 00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:07,667 PARTICULARLY THEIR GIRL CHILDREN, 478 00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:09,667 AND TELL THEM THEY'RE PRETTY AND SO ON. 479 00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:11,800 AND, REALLY, THIS IS PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA, 480 00:24:11,833 --> 00:24:14,333 BECAUSE THIS AGAIN FOCUSES THE IMPORTANCE OF APPEARANCE. 481 00:24:14,367 --> 00:24:16,700 IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER WHETHER IT'S POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE, 482 00:24:16,733 --> 00:24:19,067 IT'S SAYING THAT APPEARANCE IS PRETTY IMPORTANT. 483 00:24:19,100 --> 00:24:23,267 SO IT WOULD BE USEFUL, PARTICULARLY WITH GIRLS, 484 00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:26,767 IF PARENTS COULD REALLY CONSCIENTIOUSLY 485 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,433 MAKE THEIR PRAISE AND COMMENTARY 486 00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:32,233 ON WHAT THE GIRLS DO MORE THAN WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE. 487 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,433 [TARYN] FOR YEARS, SOCIETY HAS BEEN TELLING OUR GIRLS TO BE PRETTY 488 00:24:39,467 --> 00:24:41,433 AND WOMEN TO BE BEAUTIFUL, 489 00:24:41,467 --> 00:24:45,033 AS IF THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THEY CAN BE. 490 00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:48,333 FOR THE SAKE OF MY DAUGHTER AND FOR ALL OF OUR KIDS, 491 00:24:48,367 --> 00:24:50,100 THIS HAS TO CHANGE. 492 00:25:28,700 --> 00:25:32,200 * THIS IS HOW I DO IT AND YOU WONDER HOW * 493 00:25:32,233 --> 00:25:36,067 * EVERYBODY TELLS ME I'M SO HOT RIGHT NOW * 494 00:25:36,100 --> 00:25:37,833 I'VE COME TO THE STATES TO MEET A FEW PEOPLE, 495 00:25:37,867 --> 00:25:42,033 AND THE FIRST PERSON I'M MEETING IS A COSMETIC SURGEON. 496 00:25:42,067 --> 00:25:44,500 I'M GOING TO ASK HIM WHAT HE THINKS OF MY BODY. 497 00:25:46,233 --> 00:25:49,367 THE NORMAL BREAST SHAPE IS MORE LIKE THAT. 498 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,133 IN OTHER WORDS, THE NIPPLES ARE AT THE CENTER OF THE BREAST. 499 00:25:52,167 --> 00:25:55,167 SO TYPICALLY, IN ORDER TO GIVE YOU THAT YOUTHFUL LOOK, 500 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:56,433 A LITTLE BIT OF A PROJECTION, 501 00:25:56,467 --> 00:25:58,500 WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS PLACE AN IMPLANT 502 00:25:58,533 --> 00:26:00,567 TO GIVE YOU THE VOLUME THAT YOU NEED, 503 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,133 AND ALSO A SMALL NIPPLE LIFTING, 504 00:26:03,167 --> 00:26:06,133 WHICH WOULD BRING THE NIPPLE UP 505 00:26:06,167 --> 00:26:09,433 TO WHERE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE-- AT THE CENTER OF THE BREAST 506 00:26:09,467 --> 00:26:11,400 RATHER THAN ON THE LOWER PART OF THE BREAST. 507 00:26:11,433 --> 00:26:13,533 SO YOU NEED A BREAST AUGMENTATION, 508 00:26:13,567 --> 00:26:16,400 PLUS WHAT WE CALL A NIPPLE LIFTING. 509 00:26:16,433 --> 00:26:19,500 PROBABLY ABOUT 65% OF MY PRACTICE IS BODY WORK. 510 00:26:19,533 --> 00:26:24,133 AND THEN THE REMAINING IS FACE, EYES, NOSE, 511 00:26:24,167 --> 00:26:28,533 FILLERS, BOTOX, EYELASH TRANSPLANTS. 512 00:26:28,567 --> 00:26:33,300 WE CAN EASILY REMOVE ALL THIS FAT FROM THE SIDES 513 00:26:33,333 --> 00:26:35,133 UPPER ABDOMEN, LOWER ABDOMEN, 514 00:26:35,167 --> 00:26:37,700 AND GIVE YOU MORE OF A SLIMMER AND TRIMMER LOOK. 515 00:26:37,733 --> 00:26:42,267 DEFINITELY ABLE TO PUT THAT FAT INTO THE LIPS, 516 00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:44,833 IF YOU WANNA HAVE A LITTLE MORE FULLER LIPS, 517 00:26:44,867 --> 00:26:47,300 ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU LOOK CLOSELY IN THE MIRROR, 518 00:26:47,333 --> 00:26:49,400 WHICH I'M SURE YOU'RE GONNA DO WHEN YOU GET HOME TONIGHT, 519 00:26:49,433 --> 00:26:53,267 YOUR UPPER LEFT LIP IS A LITTLE BIT SMALLER THAN YOUR RIGHT SIDE. 520 00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:55,333 WE CAN PUT A LITTLE BIT MORE IN THERE, 521 00:26:55,367 --> 00:26:56,767 AND GIVE YOU-- ACTUALLY, LET ME GIVE YOU A MIRROR 522 00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,167 SO I CAN SHOW YOU. 523 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,700 GIVE YOU A LITTLE MORE FULLNESS. 524 00:27:00,733 --> 00:27:02,700 SO WE CAN TAKE SOME OF THIS FAT THAT WE TALK ABOUT, 525 00:27:02,733 --> 00:27:05,600 AND ACTUALLY INJECT IT INSIDE YOUR BUTTOCKS HERE 526 00:27:05,633 --> 00:27:07,233 TO GIVE YOU MORE OF AN UPLIFT. 527 00:27:07,267 --> 00:27:10,033 WE CAN DEFINITELY GET RID OF THESE AREAS, 528 00:27:10,067 --> 00:27:12,200 THE INNER THIGH, TO KIND OF GET RID OF THAT 529 00:27:12,233 --> 00:27:15,633 AND THEN GIVE YOU MORE OF SMALLER, SHAPELIER LEGS. 530 00:27:15,667 --> 00:27:18,267 SO THE THIGHS MAY NOT BE ABLE TO BE GAPPED, 531 00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:20,600 BUT DEFINITELY WILL NOT BE TOUCHING LIKE THEY ARE NOW. 532 00:27:20,633 --> 00:27:22,400 WE'VE HAD A LOT OF LADIES THAT THEY CAME IN 533 00:27:22,433 --> 00:27:26,767 AND SAID, "OH, MY GOD, I WAS WATCHING CERTAIN MOVIES. 534 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,167 MINE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THAT." 535 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,367 AND THEY WANNA LOOK A LITTLE BIT BETTER DOWN BELOW. 536 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,300 A LOT OF YOUNG FEMALES THAT WE'VE HAD 537 00:27:35,333 --> 00:27:38,200 NEVER HAD ANY INTERCOURSE BECAUSE THEY FELT SELF-CONSCIOUS. 538 00:27:38,233 --> 00:27:40,167 THEY HAVE LITTLE EXTRA TISSUE. 539 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,200 AND WE'VE HAD SOME LADIES THAT 540 00:27:42,233 --> 00:27:46,267 PROBABLY HAVE HAD MAYBE FIVE OR SIX TIMES MORE THAN WHAT YOU HAVE HERE. 541 00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:49,767 AND THE GOAL IS TO BASICALLY MAKE THAT EXTRA SKIN GO AWAY 542 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,433 AND MAKE IT LOOK LESS BULKY, SO TO SPEAK. 543 00:27:53,467 --> 00:27:55,833 WOMEN NEVER GET TO SEE THEIR OWN VULVA. 544 00:27:55,867 --> 00:27:58,167 OR RARELY, ANYWAY. 545 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,100 MEN GET TO SEE THEIR PENISES. 546 00:28:00,133 --> 00:28:02,667 THEY PLAY WITH THEM AND DO WHATEVER THEY NEED TO DO WITH THEM, 547 00:28:02,700 --> 00:28:06,267 BUT WOMEN NEVER SEE ANOTHER WOMAN'S VULVA. 548 00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:08,667 ONCE WE GET PAST THAT VULNERABILITY, 549 00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:11,033 ONCE WE HAVE THE COURAGE TO SHARE, 550 00:28:11,067 --> 00:28:13,167 "WOW, YOUR VULVA IS DIFFERENT THAN MINE, 551 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,167 AND MINE'S DIFFERENT THAN YOURS, 552 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,500 AND IT'S NOT WHAT WE SEE IN PORNOGRAPHY. IT'S LIFE!" 553 00:28:18,533 --> 00:28:20,500 WE'RE ALL SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO DIFFERENT. 554 00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:22,467 [TARYN] SO WHEN YOU LOOKED AT MY BODY, 555 00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,400 DID YOU THINK IT LOOKED HEALTHY OR UNHEALTHY? 556 00:28:24,433 --> 00:28:27,200 YOU LOOK GOOD, BUT AGAIN, YOU COULD DEFINITELY USE 557 00:28:27,233 --> 00:28:28,500 A LITTLE BIT OF A HELP WITH THE BREASTS. 558 00:28:28,533 --> 00:28:30,300 AS I SAID, YOUR BREASTS ARE NEVER GONNA COME UP. 559 00:28:30,333 --> 00:28:32,233 THEY'RE NOT SLINKYS THAT YOU PULL IT DOWN 560 00:28:32,267 --> 00:28:34,733 AND JUST GO BACK UP AGAIN. 561 00:28:34,767 --> 00:28:36,567 [TARYN] OF COURSE THEY'RE NOT SLINKYS. 562 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,800 THEY PROVIDED 4,000 MEALS TO MY THREE CHILDREN 563 00:28:39,833 --> 00:28:42,333 AND THEY DON'T DESERVE A HARD TIME. 564 00:28:42,367 --> 00:28:46,500 THEY DESERVE A GOLD STAR ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD. 565 00:28:46,533 --> 00:28:48,067 GO, BOOBS! 566 00:28:50,733 --> 00:28:53,533 AND WHILST I CAN HAVE A LAUGH AT THE ABSURDITY 567 00:28:53,567 --> 00:28:56,533 OF INJECTING MY BUTT FAT INTO MY LIPS, 568 00:28:56,567 --> 00:28:59,400 IT REALLY WORRIES ME THAT THERE'S THIS NOTION 569 00:28:59,433 --> 00:29:01,800 OF HOW A WOMAN'S BODY SHOULD LOOK. 570 00:29:04,233 --> 00:29:07,033 AND I'M SURE POSITIVE ROLE MODELS EXIST. 571 00:29:07,067 --> 00:29:09,767 IN FACT, I REMEMBER SEEING THE MOVIE "HAIRSPRAY," 572 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,667 IN WHICH RICKI LAKE PLAYS THE UNLIKELY HERO. 573 00:29:12,700 --> 00:29:15,033 SHE HAD A BODY SHAPE THAT WE'RE JUST NOT 574 00:29:15,067 --> 00:29:18,467 USED TO SEEING ON THE BIG SCREEN. 575 00:29:18,500 --> 00:29:22,267 I'VE HAD A VERY COMPLEX, COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP-- 576 00:29:22,300 --> 00:29:25,133 A LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BODY, AS I THINK MOST WOMEN HAVE. 577 00:29:27,467 --> 00:29:30,467 MY WHOLE CAREER STARTED BECAUSE JOHN WATERS CHOSE ME 578 00:29:30,500 --> 00:29:32,167 TO BE THE FAT GIRL IN HIS MOVIE. 579 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,233 OH, CORNY, DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M GOOD ENOUGH? 580 00:29:34,267 --> 00:29:36,200 WHAT DO YOU THINK, KIDS? 581 00:29:36,233 --> 00:29:39,133 I WAS THE ORIGINAL TRACY TURNBLAD, 582 00:29:39,167 --> 00:29:42,833 AND WHAT AN AMAZING CHARACTER AND AMAZING ROLE MODEL. 583 00:29:42,867 --> 00:29:46,633 I'M BIG, BLOND, AND BEAUTIFUL. 584 00:29:46,667 --> 00:29:48,167 I GET WHY HE CHOSE ME. 585 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:49,400 THE FILM SUBVERTS THE HOLLYWOOD NARRATIVE 586 00:29:49,433 --> 00:29:51,167 OF ONE SIZE FITS ALL-- 587 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:54,033 THE BIG GIRL THAT GETS THE GUY AND WINS THE DANCE CONTEST. 588 00:29:56,300 --> 00:29:58,667 LET'S DANCE! 589 00:29:58,700 --> 00:30:02,367 BUT I ALSO HAD ALL THESE INTERNAL INSECURITIES 590 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,100 ABOUT MY BODY AND WHAT I LOOKED LIKE. 591 00:30:04,133 --> 00:30:07,600 AND I WAS VERY YOUNG AND I WAS NOT SOMEONE 592 00:30:07,633 --> 00:30:09,600 THAT BOYS WERE DRAWN TO, 593 00:30:09,633 --> 00:30:12,600 AND, YOU KNOW, I WAS A SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVOR, 594 00:30:12,633 --> 00:30:16,533 SO I HAD ALL OF THAT MIXED UP, THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ATTRACTIVE TO MEN. 595 00:30:16,567 --> 00:30:21,433 SO I THINK I WAS EATING AS A WAY TO KIND OF PROTECT MYSELF, 596 00:30:21,467 --> 00:30:23,500 AND I FELT LIKE I WAS A WALKING CONTRADICTION. 597 00:30:23,533 --> 00:30:24,767 ON THE ONE HAND, PUBLICLY, 598 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,700 I BECAME A STAR AS THIS ADORABLE FAT GIRL. 599 00:30:27,733 --> 00:30:30,567 BUT YET, INSIDE, I WAS STILL TRYING TO FIND MYSELF 600 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:32,233 AND FEEL COMFORTABLE IN MY SKIN. 601 00:30:32,267 --> 00:30:34,767 AND I THINK MUCH OF MY ADULT LIFE HAS BEEN ABOUT THAT. 602 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:39,200 AND BEING A FAMOUS PERSON AND HAVING THAT STRUGGLE 603 00:30:39,233 --> 00:30:42,767 BEING SO PUBLIC IS REALLY A MIXED BAG, TOO. 604 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,167 AND I FELT FOR A LONG TIME, BECAUSE I GOT SKINNY 605 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,033 I'D GET BIG AGAIN, I'D HAVE THE BABY, I'D GET-- 606 00:30:47,067 --> 00:30:48,700 YOU KNOW, IT WAS A ROLLERCOASTER. 607 00:30:48,733 --> 00:30:52,600 I MEAN, I'VE BEEN 120 POUNDS AND I'VE BEEN 260 POUNDS. 608 00:30:52,633 --> 00:30:55,333 RIGHT NOW, TODAY, I'D LOVE TO LOSE 20 POUNDS. 609 00:30:55,367 --> 00:30:57,167 I JUST TURNED 46 A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO 610 00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:00,133 AND I HAVE IT ALL. I REALLY HAVE IT ALL. 611 00:31:00,167 --> 00:31:02,667 BUT IT'S STILL-- I LOOK IN THE MIRROR 612 00:31:02,700 --> 00:31:05,600 AND I PINCH MY ARM, AND I-- YOU KNOW. 613 00:31:05,633 --> 00:31:07,800 IT'S LIKE I WISH THAT I COULD BE LIKE 614 00:31:07,833 --> 00:31:12,833 ONE OF THOSE WOMEN THAT CAN JUST GET OVER IT 615 00:31:12,867 --> 00:31:17,400 AND NOT-- AND JUST BE OKAY WITH WHAT I HAVE TODAY. 616 00:31:20,100 --> 00:31:21,833 AND I FELT IMPLICATED FOR A LONG TIME, 617 00:31:21,867 --> 00:31:24,400 BECAUSE HERE I WAS WHEN I LOST ALL THE WEIGHT, 618 00:31:24,433 --> 00:31:26,700 AND I'M ON THE COVER OF A MAGAZINE IN A BATHING SUIT. 619 00:31:26,733 --> 00:31:29,067 I MEAN, WHAT MESSAGE AM I SENDING? 620 00:31:29,100 --> 00:31:31,300 BUT I WAS REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF. 621 00:31:31,333 --> 00:31:34,333 IT'S A HUGE, HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR ME. 622 00:31:34,367 --> 00:31:37,800 AND THAT WAS ONE OF THEIR NUMBER ONE SELLING COVERS OF ALL TIME, 623 00:31:37,833 --> 00:31:41,100 WAS ME-- ME! I MEAN I WASN'T EVEN THAT FAMOUS. 624 00:31:41,133 --> 00:31:43,367 BUT I GET IT. THERE WAS PART OF ME 625 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:47,133 THAT WASN'T TOTALLY SURPRISED, BECAUSE I'M THAT PERSON, TOO, 626 00:31:47,167 --> 00:31:49,367 THAT WANTS TO KNOW "HOW DID SHE DO IT?" 627 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,833 BUT I ALSO WONDER IF IT'S DOING A DISSERVICE 628 00:31:51,867 --> 00:31:55,267 BY BEING SO PUBLIC ABOUT SOMETHING THAT'S SO, REALLY, SO TRIVIAL. 629 00:31:55,300 --> 00:31:59,133 WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT AND WORLD PEACE. 630 00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:00,667 [TARYN] SO, RICKI, HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED 631 00:32:00,700 --> 00:32:03,633 WHAT IT WOULD FEEL LIKE TO NOT WORRY ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT? 632 00:32:03,667 --> 00:32:05,533 I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT WOULD FEEL LIKE, 633 00:32:05,567 --> 00:32:09,133 BECAUSE THAT IS JUST NOT MY EXISTENCE. 634 00:32:09,167 --> 00:32:10,533 I CAN'T EVEN THINK-- 635 00:32:10,567 --> 00:32:14,233 MY MOTHER WAS SO FOOD AND DIET OBSESSED. 636 00:32:14,267 --> 00:32:16,267 THAT'S WHAT I GREW UP WITH. 637 00:32:16,300 --> 00:32:20,200 I WAS ALWAYS SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT EATING THAT EXTRA PLATE OF FOOD, 638 00:32:20,233 --> 00:32:24,067 OR HAVING DESSERT FELT LIKE SUCH A GUILTY PLEASURE. 639 00:32:24,100 --> 00:32:27,567 UM, YOU KNOW, BUT THAT'S MY NORM, 640 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,667 AND THAT'S MOST WOMEN'S NORMS. 641 00:32:29,700 --> 00:32:32,700 IT'S A REAL STRUGGLE, AND I RESENT THE FACT 642 00:32:32,733 --> 00:32:37,133 THAT SO MANY DAYS AND HOURS AND TIME HAS BEEN SPENT 643 00:32:37,167 --> 00:32:40,033 HATING WHAT I LOOK LIKE WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR. 644 00:32:40,067 --> 00:32:42,100 I'M STILL STRIVING TO GET TO A PLACE 645 00:32:42,133 --> 00:32:45,033 WHERE I'M COMPLETELY 100% COMFORTABLE IN MY SKIN. 646 00:32:45,067 --> 00:32:48,500 I'M ALMOST THERE. I'M GETTING BETTER. 647 00:32:48,533 --> 00:32:53,667 AND I BETTER HURRY UP, BECAUSE I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER, YOU KNOW? 648 00:32:53,700 --> 00:32:55,333 [TARYN] IT'S REFRESHING TO HEAR SOMEONE 649 00:32:55,367 --> 00:32:58,567 WITH SUCH A PUBLIC PROFILE SHARING EXPERIENCES 650 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,233 EVERYONE CAN RELATE TO. 651 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,767 SOMEONE I CONNECTED WITH THROUGH TWITTER 652 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:14,100 WAS AMANDA DE CADENET. 653 00:33:14,133 --> 00:33:15,500 SHE WAS THE YOUNGEST FEMALE PHOTOGRAPHER 654 00:33:15,533 --> 00:33:17,167 TO SHOOT THE COVER OF "VOGUE," 655 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:21,100 AND WAS KEEN TO SHARE HER THOUGHTS ON BODY IMAGE. 656 00:33:21,133 --> 00:33:23,100 EVERYONE HAS A STORY ABOUT HER BODY, RIGHT? 657 00:33:23,133 --> 00:33:24,733 IT'S JUST WHETHER THEY'RE WILLING TO BE HONEST ABOUT IT. 658 00:33:24,767 --> 00:33:27,700 IT'S AN ISSUE AND A SUBJECT THAT AFFECTS 659 00:33:27,733 --> 00:33:29,800 PRACTICALLY EVERY WOMAN AND GIRL THAT I KNOW. 660 00:33:29,833 --> 00:33:31,700 WHEN MY BODY STARTED CHANGING 661 00:33:31,733 --> 00:33:34,833 FROM BEING A GIRL INTO A YOUNG WOMAN, 662 00:33:34,867 --> 00:33:36,533 AND LITERALLY WITHIN THREE MONTHS 663 00:33:36,567 --> 00:33:39,433 I WENT FROM BEING A COMPLETELY BOY BODY 664 00:33:39,467 --> 00:33:43,467 TO HAVING LIKE DOUBLE-D BOOBS AND CURVES, 665 00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:47,300 SUDDENLY I WAS GETTING UNWANTED SEXUAL ADVANCES 666 00:33:47,333 --> 00:33:48,800 FROM COMPLETE STRANGERS, 667 00:33:48,833 --> 00:33:51,700 AND I STARTED TO NOT WANT THE BODY THAT I HAD. 668 00:33:51,733 --> 00:33:57,433 AND I BEGAN TO NOT EAT SO MUCH SO THAT I WOULD LOSE WEIGHT 669 00:33:57,467 --> 00:34:00,567 AND THAT MY BODY WOULDN'T BE SO CURVY. 670 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,533 YOU'RE VIEWED A CERTAIN WAY IF YOU'VE GOT A BODY LIKE MINE. 671 00:34:03,567 --> 00:34:06,033 I COULD WEAR A POTATO SACK. 672 00:34:06,067 --> 00:34:08,433 BUT IF IT'S NOT A LONG ENOUGH POTATO SACK OR A POTATO SACK 673 00:34:08,467 --> 00:34:10,400 THAT DOESN'T COVER ME UP ENOUGH, 674 00:34:10,433 --> 00:34:13,233 IT CAN BE CONSTRUED AS A SEXUAL OUTFIT. 675 00:34:13,267 --> 00:34:18,333 I'M IN CITY CLOCKS IN ISLINGTON WITH FLAVOR FLAV FROM PUBLIC ENEMY. 676 00:34:18,367 --> 00:34:20,400 I GOT PREGNANT WHEN I WAS 18. 677 00:34:20,433 --> 00:34:23,133 AT THE TIME, I WAS ON TELEVISION IN THE U.K., 678 00:34:23,167 --> 00:34:27,733 AND PEOPLE PUBLICALLY COMMENTED ON HOW DIFFERENT I LOOKED 679 00:34:27,767 --> 00:34:29,433 AND HOW MUCH WEIGHT I HAD PUT ON 680 00:34:29,467 --> 00:34:32,733 AND GETTING REALLY SHAMED FOR HAVING A PREGNANT BODY, 681 00:34:32,767 --> 00:34:36,233 AND THEN EVEN MORE SHAMED FOR HAVING A POST PREGNANT BODY. 682 00:34:36,267 --> 00:34:38,233 THAT WAS REALLY PAINFUL FOR ME. 683 00:34:38,267 --> 00:34:42,067 YET AGAIN, I GOT THE MESSAGE THAT IF YOU'RE THINNER, 684 00:34:42,100 --> 00:34:44,100 YOU'RE BETTER. 685 00:34:44,133 --> 00:34:46,633 UNFORTUNATELY, OUR SOCIETY DOESN'T MIRROR BACK 686 00:34:46,667 --> 00:34:48,333 MANY OPTIONS FOR US, 687 00:34:48,367 --> 00:34:51,833 SO WE SORT OF FEEL LIKE WE HAVE TO FIT INTO 688 00:34:51,867 --> 00:34:54,267 WHAT IS PRESENTED TO US. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 689 00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:55,800 WHEN I'M ON THE BEACH IN BARBADOS, 690 00:34:55,833 --> 00:34:58,833 A GIRL WITH NO BUM AND NO ASS IS-- 691 00:34:58,867 --> 00:35:00,500 NO ONE'S LOOKING AT. 692 00:35:00,533 --> 00:35:01,567 THAT'S NOT DESIR-- THAT'S NOT BEAUTY 693 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,167 TO THEM IN THE BAHAMAS. 694 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:08,400 CULTURALLY AROUND THE WORLD, THE IDEAL OF BEAUTY 695 00:35:08,433 --> 00:35:09,667 IS DIFFERENT, 696 00:35:09,700 --> 00:35:12,533 AND I THINK IT HAS TO BE LIKE THAT FOR US. 697 00:35:12,567 --> 00:35:14,600 OUR IDEALS OF BEAUTY HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT 698 00:35:14,633 --> 00:35:16,267 DEPENDING ON WHO WE ARE. 699 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,333 EVERY TIME I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING THAT'S SUPER PUBLIC, 700 00:35:49,367 --> 00:35:50,833 WHETHER IT'S LIKE LAUNCHING A NEW TV SHOW 701 00:35:50,867 --> 00:35:53,100 OR I HAVE A BIG ROUND OF PRESS TO DO, 702 00:35:53,133 --> 00:35:54,467 A BUNCH OF PHOTO SHOOTS, 703 00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:56,833 I KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE A NIGHTMARE FOR ME, 704 00:35:56,867 --> 00:35:58,600 BECAUSE NONE OF THE CLOTHES WILL FIT, 705 00:35:58,633 --> 00:36:01,767 I WILL GET BODY SHAMED BY WHOEVER'S ON THE SHOOT, 706 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:04,700 OF LIKE, "OH, CAN YOU TRY THAT SAMPLE SIZE ON?" 707 00:36:04,733 --> 00:36:07,433 DON'T TRY TO GET ME TO PUT ON A TOP 708 00:36:07,467 --> 00:36:08,767 THAT IS A SIZE 32, 709 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,433 BECAUSE I'M 38 DOUBLE-D, 710 00:36:11,467 --> 00:36:13,033 SO MY NIPPLES ARE NOT EVEN GONNA-- 711 00:36:13,067 --> 00:36:15,100 ONE OF MY NIPPLES WILL NOT FIT IN THAT THING. 712 00:36:15,133 --> 00:36:16,633 I KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN, 713 00:36:16,667 --> 00:36:20,767 AND I THINK, "OH, I SHOULD JUST DROP SOME WEIGHT." 714 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:22,433 AND THEN I THINK, "YOU KNOW WHAT? 715 00:36:22,467 --> 00:36:25,200 NO, THAT IS JUST SOME OLD CRAZY THINKING. 716 00:36:25,233 --> 00:36:26,833 NO, I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT, 717 00:36:26,867 --> 00:36:29,467 AND I'M NOT GONNA TORTURE MYSELF." 718 00:36:29,500 --> 00:36:34,500 AND A FRIEND SAID TO ME BEFORE MY LAST SHOW JUST LAUNCHED, 719 00:36:34,533 --> 00:36:40,233 HE SAID, "AMANDA, PEOPLE DON'T TURN ON THE TV 720 00:36:40,267 --> 00:36:41,833 TO LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING 721 00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:43,400 OR WHAT YOUR WEIGHT IS, 722 00:36:43,433 --> 00:36:45,700 OR HOW BIG OR SMALL YOU LOOK, 723 00:36:45,733 --> 00:36:49,133 PEOPLE TURN ON THE TV BECAUSE OF WHAT'S IN YOUR MIND. 724 00:36:49,167 --> 00:36:54,600 AND IF YOU DON'T EAT PROPERLY, YOUR MIND ISN'T GONNA WORK." 725 00:36:54,633 --> 00:36:56,733 WHEN I WAS AT MY THINNEST, 726 00:36:56,767 --> 00:36:58,833 PEOPLE SAID, "OH, MY GOD, YOU LOOK AMAZING. 727 00:36:58,867 --> 00:37:01,533 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" AND WHAT I WANTED TO SAY IS, 728 00:37:01,567 --> 00:37:04,067 "I'VE NEVER BEEN SO MISERABLE IN MY LIFE, 729 00:37:04,100 --> 00:37:06,767 I FEEL COMPLETELY DEVASTATED." 730 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,567 I WAS HAVING THE WORST TIME IN MY LIFE, 731 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,033 AND I WAS THE THINNEST, BECAUSE I JUST COULDN'T EAT. 732 00:37:12,067 --> 00:37:14,533 I KNOW WHAT IT TAKES FOR MY BODY TYPE 733 00:37:14,567 --> 00:37:16,500 TO BE A MEDIUM SIZE. 734 00:37:16,533 --> 00:37:18,067 IT TAKES OBSESSION. 735 00:37:18,100 --> 00:37:21,067 IT TAKES ALL MY FOCUS AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN. 736 00:37:21,100 --> 00:37:22,733 IT TAKES ME OUT OF MY LIFE. 737 00:37:22,767 --> 00:37:27,767 IT TAKES ME OBSESSING ABOUT FOOD, EXERCISE, CALORIES, 738 00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:30,100 WHETHER I CAN'T EAT THAT AND I CAN EAT THAT, 739 00:37:30,133 --> 00:37:32,200 AND WHAT TIME CAN I EAT THAT, AND, OH, I CAN'T EAT THAT 740 00:37:32,233 --> 00:37:33,833 BECAUSE THAT'S COOKED WITH THAT, AND I CAN'T HAVE THAT 741 00:37:33,867 --> 00:37:35,133 BECAUSE THAT'S GOT THAT ON IN IT. 742 00:37:35,167 --> 00:37:38,800 IT'S HELL. HELL ON EARTH. 743 00:37:38,833 --> 00:37:44,333 SO, YOU KNOW WHAT? IF I WANNA EAT A FUCKING COOKIE THAT MY KID BAKES, 744 00:37:44,367 --> 00:37:47,233 I'M GONNA EAT THE FUCKING COOKIE MY KID BAKES. 745 00:37:47,267 --> 00:37:50,733 [TARYN] I COULDN'T AGREE MORE. 746 00:37:50,767 --> 00:37:55,333 YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN FED THIS IDEA THAT IF YOU DIET AND HAVE A THIN BODY, 747 00:37:55,367 --> 00:37:58,633 THEN YOU'RE HEALTHY AND YOU MUST BE HAPPY, 748 00:37:58,667 --> 00:38:01,700 BUT THAT SIMPLY ISN'T TRUE. 749 00:38:01,733 --> 00:38:05,400 I COULDN'T BELIEVE THE THINGS PEOPLE WROTE ABOUT MY BODY 750 00:38:05,433 --> 00:38:07,200 WHEN I POSTED THE BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTO. 751 00:38:26,267 --> 00:38:28,167 [MATTHEW] I MEAN, ANYTHING SEXUAL, ESPECIALLY WHEN 752 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:29,267 THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR WIFE, 753 00:38:29,300 --> 00:38:31,267 THAT REALLY GETS ME GOING. 754 00:38:31,300 --> 00:38:36,567 I DIDN'T MARRY TARYN BECAUSE OF HER THIGH GAP OR HER BOOB SIZE. 755 00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:40,367 I MARRIED HER BECAUSE OF THE JOYOUS, LOVING PERSON THAT SHE IS. 756 00:39:00,100 --> 00:39:02,733 [TARYN] I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW WRONG 757 00:39:02,767 --> 00:39:05,333 THE BODY SHAMERS ARE. 758 00:39:05,367 --> 00:39:08,667 JUST BECAUSE MY BODY DOESN'T CONFORM TO SOCIETY'S 759 00:39:08,700 --> 00:39:11,033 NARROW IDEALS OF HOW A BODY SHOULD LOOK 760 00:39:11,067 --> 00:39:13,233 DOESN'T MEAN I'M UNHEALTHY. 761 00:39:18,433 --> 00:39:23,133 I'M PRETTY SURE YOU CAN'T RUN A MARATHON AND BE A LAZY PIG. 762 00:39:23,167 --> 00:39:25,367 AND DESPITE WHAT THE BODY SHAMERS THINK, 763 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:29,467 MY BODY IS FIT, CAPABLE, AND STRONG. 764 00:39:29,500 --> 00:39:31,367 AND I WANT MY DAUGHTER TO GROW UP LOVING 765 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,600 AND APPRECIATING HER BODY FOR ALL THE THINGS IT CAN DO, 766 00:39:34,633 --> 00:39:36,600 NOT JUST HOW IT LOOKS. 767 00:39:38,500 --> 00:39:41,500 GIRLS ARE JUST BOMBARDED WITH VERY STEREOTYPED 768 00:39:41,533 --> 00:39:43,667 AND NORMATIVE IDEAS OF WHAT IT IS TO BE FEMALE, 769 00:39:43,700 --> 00:39:45,233 AND THEY THINK THEY SHOULD LOOK LIKE THAT. 770 00:39:45,267 --> 00:39:47,033 AND IF THEY DON'T, THEY'RE IRRELEVANT, 771 00:39:47,067 --> 00:39:48,533 THEY HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER THE WORLD. 772 00:39:48,567 --> 00:39:51,600 THEY MAY AS WELL CRAWL UP INTO A HOLE AND DISAPPEAR. 773 00:39:51,633 --> 00:39:54,700 WHEN WE SEXUALIZE GIRLS, WHEN WE REDUCE THEM 774 00:39:54,733 --> 00:39:57,600 TO THE SUM OF THEIR SEXUAL PARTS, 775 00:39:57,633 --> 00:40:00,067 WHEN WE TELL THEM THEY HAVE TO BE THIN, HOT, AND SEXY 776 00:40:00,100 --> 00:40:02,067 AND THAT NOTHING ELSE COUNTS, 777 00:40:02,100 --> 00:40:04,133 WE CONTRIBUTE TO A RAFT OF NEGATIVE, PHYSICAL, 778 00:40:04,167 --> 00:40:06,200 AND MENTAL HEALTH OUTCOMES. 779 00:40:08,300 --> 00:40:10,100 THE WAY THAT WE STYLE THEM 780 00:40:10,133 --> 00:40:11,433 AND PRESENT THEM IN ADVERTISING, 781 00:40:11,467 --> 00:40:13,067 THE WAY WE SUGGEST THAT LITTLE GIRLS 782 00:40:13,100 --> 00:40:15,567 ARE PERHAPS SEXUALLY INTERESTING, SEXUALLY MATURE, 783 00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:16,833 SEXUALLY AVAILABLE, 784 00:40:16,867 --> 00:40:18,767 WE SUGGEST THAT GIRLS ARE MUCH OLDER, 785 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,433 MUCH MORE MATURE THAN THEY REALLY ARE. 786 00:40:25,667 --> 00:40:28,600 AND BOYS ARE BEING TRAINED TO HAVE A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT 787 00:40:28,633 --> 00:40:31,133 TO THE BODIES OF WOMEN AND GIRLS. 788 00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:33,500 LET'S GO SOMEWHERE MORE ROMANTIC. 789 00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:37,133 "GRAND THEFT AUTO 5," 790 00:40:37,167 --> 00:40:39,533 WHERE BOYS PAY FOR A PROSTITUTED WOMAN, 791 00:40:39,567 --> 00:40:42,267 THEY HAVE SEX WITH HER, AND THEN THEY MURDER HER TO GET THEIR MONEY BACK. 792 00:40:42,300 --> 00:40:44,233 PRIMARY SCHOOL BOYS ARE PLAYING THIS. 793 00:40:52,300 --> 00:40:53,600 -HELLO? -[GUN COCKS] 794 00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,100 AND THE THING WITH A GAME LIKE "GRAND THEFT AUTO 5" 795 00:40:58,133 --> 00:41:00,067 IS THAT IT'S NOT PASSIVE. 796 00:41:00,100 --> 00:41:02,167 THE BOY'S NOT PASSIVELY WATCHING SOMETHING. HE ENGAGING IN IT, 797 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:03,800 HE'S DOING IT. HE'S ACTING IT OUT. 798 00:41:03,833 --> 00:41:06,400 HE'S FEELING THE CAR ROCK BACK AND FORTH DURING THE SEX. 799 00:41:06,433 --> 00:41:10,067 HE'S FEELING HIMSELF KILL HER WITH THE WEAPON, THE IMPACT OF THAT. 800 00:41:10,100 --> 00:41:14,033 HE'S SEEING HER BLEED AND DIE. 801 00:41:14,067 --> 00:41:16,600 SO IF WE REALLY GENUINELY CARE ABOUT OUR YOUNG PEOPLE, 802 00:41:16,633 --> 00:41:18,533 WE WOULD BE DOING SOMETHING TO ADDRESS 803 00:41:18,567 --> 00:41:21,067 THE CULTURAL LANDSCAPE IN WHICH MANY OF US 804 00:41:21,100 --> 00:41:22,600 ARE STRUGGLING TO RAISE HAPPY, HEALTHY, 805 00:41:22,633 --> 00:41:24,333 RESILIENT CHILDREN. 806 00:41:24,367 --> 00:41:26,767 WHY SHOULD THE VESTED INTEREST OF ADVERTISERS 807 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:30,700 COME BEFORE THE WELL-BEING OF CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE? 808 00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:36,800 [TARYN] EVERYWHERE I GO, THERE IS A COMMON SENSE OF DESPAIR. 809 00:41:36,833 --> 00:41:38,800 PARENTS ARE WORRIED ABOUT THE IMPACT 810 00:41:38,833 --> 00:41:40,833 THAT THE SEXUALIZATION OF YOUNG GIRLS 811 00:41:40,867 --> 00:41:42,500 AND OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMEN 812 00:41:42,533 --> 00:41:44,800 IS HAVING ON THEIR CHILDREN. 813 00:41:44,833 --> 00:41:49,067 IN AN IDEAL WORLD, THE MESSAGES CONVEYED TO MY DAUGHTER 814 00:41:49,100 --> 00:41:53,133 WOULD BE SO DIFFERENT. 815 00:41:53,167 --> 00:41:56,067 THEY WOULD BE INCLUSIVE OF EVERY BODY TYPE, 816 00:41:56,100 --> 00:41:59,333 INCLUDING OUR OWN BODY TYPE-- HERS AND MINE. 817 00:41:59,367 --> 00:42:02,600 AND IN IDEAL WORLD, 818 00:42:02,633 --> 00:42:07,333 I WOULDN'T HAVE TO CONSTANTLY PLAY-- 819 00:42:07,367 --> 00:42:09,400 WHAT'S THE WORD? 820 00:42:17,133 --> 00:42:19,167 DAMAGE CONTROL. 821 00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,733 DAMAGE CONTROL. I FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL, BUT I FEEL LIKE 822 00:42:22,767 --> 00:42:26,200 I'M PUTTING OUT A THOUSAND FIRES EVERY DAY 823 00:42:26,233 --> 00:42:31,600 JUST BY, UM, THE MEDIA, THE MESSAGES, TELEVISION-- 824 00:42:31,633 --> 00:42:34,500 ALL OF IT. 825 00:42:34,533 --> 00:42:37,067 I'M DROWNING IN A SEA OF MEDIA. 826 00:42:37,100 --> 00:42:41,300 * YOU SUCK ME IN, I'M HOOKED ON YOU * 827 00:42:41,333 --> 00:42:45,500 * I CAN'T WIN NO MATTER WHAT I DO * 828 00:42:45,533 --> 00:42:49,233 * ALL AROUND ME, EVERYWHERE I LOOK * 829 00:42:49,267 --> 00:42:53,300 * IT'S NOT FAIR 830 00:42:53,333 --> 00:42:55,067 * YOU'RE A SNAKE 831 00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:59,033 * SETTING TRAPS ALL OVER THE PLACE * 832 00:42:59,067 --> 00:43:01,600 * NARY SHOWING YOUR FACE 833 00:43:01,633 --> 00:43:05,100 * KILLING US SLOWLY, SOMETIMES QUICKLY * 834 00:43:05,133 --> 00:43:07,467 * DON'T YOU CARE? 835 00:43:07,500 --> 00:43:10,133 * AND THAT'S HOW YOU WANNA LIVE YOUR LIFE * 836 00:43:10,167 --> 00:43:13,267 * YOU WANT ME HUNGRY AND HORNY * 837 00:43:13,300 --> 00:43:15,600 * CRAWLING UP TO YOU AND BEGGING * 838 00:43:15,633 --> 00:43:18,133 * FOR ANOTHER SPOON OF IT 839 00:43:18,167 --> 00:43:21,167 * YOU WANT ME STUPID AND LONELY * 840 00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:25,467 * BUT I THINK WE'VE BOTH HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF IT * 841 00:43:28,533 --> 00:43:31,467 [TARYN] AS DEMORALIZING AS ALL OF THIS IS, 842 00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:34,533 THERE IS HOPE-- PEOPLE LIKE JES BAKER, 843 00:43:34,567 --> 00:43:37,300 WHO ARE PUSHING BACK AGAINST THESE TOXIC IDEALS 844 00:43:37,333 --> 00:43:40,467 OF HOW WE SHOULD LOOK, FEEL, AND BEHAVE. 845 00:43:40,500 --> 00:43:43,767 A FEW YEARS AGO I WAS JUST STARTING OUT BLOGGING 846 00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,400 AND THE MEDIA WAS ALL ABUZZ 847 00:43:46,433 --> 00:43:48,333 ABOUT ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH'S CEO. 848 00:43:48,367 --> 00:43:51,067 HE HAD SAID SOME QUOTES ABOUT HOW THEY DIDN'T SELL 849 00:43:51,100 --> 00:43:53,233 EXTRA LARGE CLOTHING FOR WOMEN... 850 00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:00,167 BECAUSE THEY ONLY SOLD TO THE COOL KIDS 851 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,600 AND DIDN'T FIND LARGER WOMEN VALUABLE. 852 00:44:06,167 --> 00:44:09,467 SO IN RESPONSE TO THAT, I JUST DECIDED TO COLLABORATE 853 00:44:09,500 --> 00:44:12,267 WITH A LOCAL PHOTOGRAPHER AND ANOTHER MODEL, 854 00:44:12,300 --> 00:44:16,800 TO RECREATE AN ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH ADVERTISEMENT. 855 00:44:19,300 --> 00:44:21,233 IT BROKE PEOPLE'S BRAINS. 856 00:44:21,267 --> 00:44:23,233 PEOPLE DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. 857 00:44:23,267 --> 00:44:26,200 THEY ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT, THEY ABSOLUTELY HATED IT, 858 00:44:26,233 --> 00:44:27,633 THEY EVERYTHING IN-BETWEEN 859 00:44:27,667 --> 00:44:29,333 AND ON ALL SIDES OF THE SPECTRUM. 860 00:44:29,367 --> 00:44:34,033 IT WAS JUST REALLY INCREDIBLE TO SEE THAT MUCH EMOTION 861 00:44:34,067 --> 00:44:36,100 COMING FROM ONE IMAGE. 862 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:42,533 THE WORLD WANTS IT, THEY LOVE IT, THEY NEED IT. 863 00:44:42,567 --> 00:44:45,500 THEY LOVE THE SHOCK FACTOR OF IT. 864 00:44:45,533 --> 00:44:47,333 AND THAT IS HOW WE RECONDITION OUR BRAINS, 865 00:44:47,367 --> 00:44:49,500 IS WE SEE NEW IMAGES, 866 00:44:49,533 --> 00:44:52,567 DIFFERENT IMAGES TO REPLACE OLD ONES, TO BALANCE THE OLD ONES. 867 00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:56,867 SO, JES, DIETS, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THEM? 868 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,300 WELL, THEY'RE MOSTLY UNSUCCESSFUL. 869 00:45:03,333 --> 00:45:05,833 THEY ARE USUALLY SOUL DRAINING. 870 00:45:05,867 --> 00:45:09,633 THEY TEND TO FUCK WITH YOUR BODY IN NEGATIVE WAYS. 871 00:45:09,667 --> 00:45:14,400 AND THEY HAVE BEEN SOMETHING THAT HAS CAUSED 872 00:45:14,433 --> 00:45:18,200 A LOT OF EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL SUFFERING MY ENTIRE LIFE. 873 00:45:18,233 --> 00:45:21,533 SO I AM NOT PRO-DIETS. I'M VERY ANTI-DIETS. 874 00:45:21,567 --> 00:45:24,767 AND THE DIET INDUSTRY MAKES BILLIONS OF DOLLARS EVERY YEAR. 875 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:28,467 IT'S AMAZING TO ME THAT SO MUCH RESEARCH SHOWS THAT 90 PLUS PERCENT 876 00:45:28,500 --> 00:45:30,133 OF DIETS DON'T WORK. 877 00:45:30,167 --> 00:45:32,033 [TARYN] THAT IS SO TRUE. 878 00:45:32,067 --> 00:45:35,033 IN FACT, I'VE LEARNED TO NEVER TRUST A FOUR LETTER WORD 879 00:45:35,067 --> 00:45:37,033 WHEN THE FIRST THREE LETTERS SPELL "DIE." 880 00:45:38,833 --> 00:45:40,733 [WOMAN] IN THE BEGINNING OF YOUR DIET, YOU FEEL A LOT OF HOPE, 881 00:45:40,767 --> 00:45:43,567 BECAUSE YOU'RE SO EXCITED AND SO DETERMINED TO EAT LESS. 882 00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:46,767 AND YOU PROBABLY NOTICE THAT YOU'RE LOSING WEIGHT. 883 00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,667 THE NEXT THING THAT YOU PROBABLY NOTICE 884 00:45:48,700 --> 00:45:51,567 IS THAT IT'S GETTING A LITTLE BIT HARDER TO MAINTAIN. 885 00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:54,200 NOW YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT FOOD ALL THE TIME, 886 00:45:54,233 --> 00:45:56,133 YOU'RE MORE CONSCIOUS OF SMELLS, 887 00:45:56,167 --> 00:45:58,400 AND YOU REALLY WANNA BREAK YOUR DIET. 888 00:45:58,433 --> 00:46:00,500 WHEN YOUR BODY GETS DEPRIVED OF CALORIES, 889 00:46:00,533 --> 00:46:02,733 IT MAKES YOU THINK ABOUT FOOD. 890 00:46:02,767 --> 00:46:05,433 IT MAKES SURE THAT YOU CONCENTRATE LESS 891 00:46:05,467 --> 00:46:07,633 ON OTHER THINGS SO THAT YOU'RE FOCUSED 892 00:46:07,667 --> 00:46:09,767 ON GETTING FOOD AND TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. 893 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:14,067 IT EVEN CHANGES THE TASTE PERCEPTION IN YOUR MOUTH, 894 00:46:14,100 --> 00:46:16,200 SO THAT A WIDER RANGE OF FLAVORS 895 00:46:16,233 --> 00:46:18,300 MIGHT BE INTERESTING TO YOU, 896 00:46:18,333 --> 00:46:20,833 SO THAT YOU'RE MORE WILLING TO EAT ANYTHING 897 00:46:20,867 --> 00:46:22,367 JUST TO GET CALORIES. 898 00:46:24,100 --> 00:46:26,033 BUT THEN YOUR BODY COULD SLOW DOWN 899 00:46:26,067 --> 00:46:27,467 YOUR METABOLISM A LITTLE BIT, 900 00:46:27,500 --> 00:46:29,400 SO YOU SPEND A LITTLE BIT LESS ENERGY. 901 00:46:29,433 --> 00:46:31,567 AND SO EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE EATING LESS, 902 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:34,567 YOUR DIET IS NOW CAUSING YOU TO GAIN WEIGHT. 903 00:46:37,067 --> 00:46:38,767 IT'S NOT THAT PEOPLE ARE FAILING, 904 00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:41,433 IT'S THAT DIETS ARE FAILING THEM. 905 00:46:41,467 --> 00:46:43,500 WE DON'T STOP TO THINK 906 00:46:43,533 --> 00:46:47,200 AT JUST HOW INCREDIBLY AWESOME THIS BODY IS. 907 00:46:47,233 --> 00:46:51,300 INSTEAD, WE JUST FOCUS IN ON ONE NARROW DETAIL, 908 00:46:51,333 --> 00:46:52,633 AND THAT'S WEIGHT. 909 00:46:58,700 --> 00:47:02,133 [TARYN] I HAVE TO SAY, THROWING THE DIET BOOK AWAY 910 00:47:02,167 --> 00:47:04,733 WAS ONE OF THE MOST LIBERATING THINGS I'VE EVER DONE. 911 00:47:12,500 --> 00:47:16,700 OCCASIONALLY, YOU SEE SOMEONE'S WORK THAT REALLY MAKES AN IMPACT. 912 00:47:16,733 --> 00:47:19,800 AFTER YEARS OF EMAILING FELLOW PHOTOGRAPHER JADE BEALL, 913 00:47:19,833 --> 00:47:23,100 I WAS SO EXCITED TO FINALLY MEET HER IN PERSON. 914 00:47:26,467 --> 00:47:30,633 SINCE I WAS 10 YEARS OLD, I'VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH IMAGERY, 915 00:47:30,667 --> 00:47:35,200 SPECIFICALLY OF THIN WOMEN THAT APPEARED PORELESS 916 00:47:35,233 --> 00:47:39,567 AND APPEARED UNOBTAINABLY BEAUTIFUL. 917 00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:42,300 AND I DID SOME PHOTOS OF MYSELF 918 00:47:42,333 --> 00:47:44,633 TRYING TO FIND PEACE 919 00:47:44,667 --> 00:47:49,600 WITH NOT BEING A PHOTOSHOPPED PERSON. 920 00:47:49,633 --> 00:47:53,800 I'D JUST GIVEN BIRTH. I WAS AT AN ALL-TIME LOW, A FAILURE. 921 00:47:53,833 --> 00:47:56,267 I WAS FAT. I WAS UGLY. 922 00:47:56,300 --> 00:47:59,500 I WAS SUFFERING FROM PRETTY SEVERE POST-PARTUM DEPRESSION, 923 00:47:59,533 --> 00:48:03,300 AND I TOOK SOME IMAGES OF MYSELF NUDE 924 00:48:03,333 --> 00:48:06,633 AND I CALLED THEM BEAUTIFUL. 925 00:48:06,667 --> 00:48:10,133 REVOLUTIONARY. 926 00:48:10,167 --> 00:48:11,533 I POSTED THEM ON MY WEBSITE 927 00:48:11,567 --> 00:48:13,400 AND ON MY FACEBOOK PHOTOGRAPHY PAGE, 928 00:48:13,433 --> 00:48:16,433 AND PEOPLE LOVED THEM JUST AS THEY WERE. 929 00:48:16,467 --> 00:48:18,400 HIGHLIGHTING MY CELLULITE. 930 00:48:18,433 --> 00:48:22,167 HIGHLIGHTING THE DARK CIRCLES FROM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT 931 00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:24,767 THIS NEW LIFE, FROM FEELING SCARED 932 00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:30,033 AND SAD AND JOYOUS, AND NOT ERASING AWAY 933 00:48:30,067 --> 00:48:33,633 ALL THE DETAILS OF THAT MOMENT. 934 00:48:33,667 --> 00:48:37,200 THOSE LITTLE DETAILS, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL. 935 00:48:37,233 --> 00:48:40,667 THEY MAKE US IRREPLACEABLY BEAUTIFUL. 936 00:48:40,700 --> 00:48:43,400 I WAS A TEENAGER WITH PRETTY SEVERE ACNE. 937 00:48:43,433 --> 00:48:47,300 AND, OH, HOW I CRAVED TO SEE A GIRL, A TEENAGER, 938 00:48:47,333 --> 00:48:50,767 WITH SOME BLEMISHES ON HER SKIN 939 00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:54,033 ON THE COVER OF "SEVENTEEN" BEING CALLED BEAUTIFUL. 940 00:48:54,067 --> 00:48:56,567 I COULDN'T LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR FOR THREE YEARS 941 00:48:56,600 --> 00:49:00,700 BECAUSE OF THESE BLEMISHES, AND I FELT DISGUSTING, 942 00:49:00,733 --> 00:49:02,500 ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING, 943 00:49:02,533 --> 00:49:05,367 JUST BECAUSE OF THE TEXTURE OF MY SKIN. 944 00:49:07,067 --> 00:49:08,500 THE FIRST WOMAN I PHOTOGRAPHED 945 00:49:08,533 --> 00:49:10,800 AFTER I DID MY SELF PORTRAIT THAT I PUT OUT THERE, 946 00:49:10,833 --> 00:49:13,333 SHE NEVER HAD SHOWN HER BELLY BEFORE. SHE'S A DANCER. 947 00:49:13,367 --> 00:49:19,200 AND SHE REVEALED HER EMBARRASSING STRETCH MARKS. 948 00:49:19,233 --> 00:49:22,100 AND HER KIDS LOVE THEIR MAMA SO MUCH. 949 00:49:22,133 --> 00:49:23,733 AND IT WAS JUST LIKE THIS PERFECT MOMENT. 950 00:49:23,767 --> 00:49:25,667 AND SHE WAS VERY PROUD OF THAT PHOTO. 951 00:49:25,700 --> 00:49:28,800 AND THAT PHOTO WENT EVERYWHERE ALL OVER THE WORLD. 952 00:49:31,367 --> 00:49:34,333 I ALSO LIKE TO CALL THIS KIND OF PHOTOGRAPHY THERAPEUTIC PHOTOGRAPHY 953 00:49:34,367 --> 00:49:35,733 BECAUSE IT'S A PROCESS. 954 00:49:35,767 --> 00:49:37,633 IT'S A PRACTICE, KINDA LIKE YOGA. 955 00:49:37,667 --> 00:49:40,600 YOU GOTTA PRACTICE AT IT TO REALLY START TO FEEL THE POSE. 956 00:49:40,633 --> 00:49:44,167 YOU GOTTA PRACTICE SEEING YOURSELF 957 00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:47,400 IN MANY DIFFERENT LIGHTS WITH YOUR WRINKLES, 958 00:49:47,433 --> 00:49:49,300 WITH THE PIMPLE OF THE DAY. SO MANY PEOPLE ARE LIKE, 959 00:49:49,333 --> 00:49:51,167 "OH, JADE, CAN YOU JUST REMOVE THAT PIMPLE BECAUSE--" 960 00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,367 AND I GET IT. IT'S TEMPORARY. 961 00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:57,800 BUT IT'S ALSO JUST A SIGN OF HOW LIFE IS CONSTANTLY CHANGING. 962 00:49:57,833 --> 00:50:00,400 AND, NO, I'M NOT GONNA TAKE THE PIMPLE AWAY. 963 00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:04,333 THE MAJORITY OF THEM HAVE LEFT REALLY JOYOUS, 964 00:50:04,367 --> 00:50:05,700 MAYBE EMAIL ME THE NEXT DAY, 965 00:50:05,733 --> 00:50:07,733 LIKE, "I FEEL A LITTLE VULNERABLE." 966 00:50:07,767 --> 00:50:10,167 A LITTLE VULNERABILITY HANGOVER HAPPENING. 967 00:50:12,067 --> 00:50:14,800 SOME WOMEN IMMEDIATELY THEY LEAVE AND, LIKE, 968 00:50:14,833 --> 00:50:17,433 "FOR THE FIRST TIME, I LOVE MYSELF." 969 00:50:17,467 --> 00:50:19,033 AND THEY WANNA COME BACK, 970 00:50:19,067 --> 00:50:20,100 THEY'RE LIKE, "LET'S DO ANOTHER SHOOT." 971 00:50:21,633 --> 00:50:23,733 YEAH, THEY'RE PRETTY AWESOME. 972 00:50:23,767 --> 00:50:26,500 WE DEFINITELY DON'T SEE A CELEBRATED BODY DIVERSITY, 973 00:50:26,533 --> 00:50:32,167 ETHNICITY, UM, BODY SHAPE. 974 00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:34,567 LIMBS, NO LIMBS-- 975 00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:36,333 ALL THE DIFFERENT WAYS THAT WE ARRIVE ON THIS PLANET, 976 00:50:36,367 --> 00:50:38,567 OR THAT WE BECOME, HOW WE CHANGE ON THIS PLANET, 977 00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:41,267 AND HOW AMAZING THAT IS. 978 00:50:41,300 --> 00:50:43,500 NO TWO BODIES ARE ALIKE, 979 00:50:43,533 --> 00:50:45,467 AND ALL THESE LITTLE THINGS MAKE US UNIQUE. 980 00:50:47,300 --> 00:50:50,533 AND TO BE SEEN IS INCREDIBLY EMPOWERING. 981 00:50:50,567 --> 00:50:52,100 WHEN WE LOOK AT PHOTOSHOPPED IMAGERY, 982 00:50:52,133 --> 00:50:54,233 WE'RE LIKE, "OH, MY, I WANNA LOOK LIKE THAT, 983 00:50:54,267 --> 00:50:56,800 BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET THERE." 984 00:50:59,100 --> 00:51:00,667 INSTEAD OF, "OH, WOW. 985 00:51:00,700 --> 00:51:03,400 SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, AND THAT'S BEAUTIFUL." 986 00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:11,100 [PHONE RINGING] 987 00:51:13,133 --> 00:51:14,667 -HELLO? -HI, MIKI. 988 00:51:14,700 --> 00:51:17,067 -HI, MAMA. -HOW ARE YOU? 989 00:51:17,100 --> 00:51:19,100 [MIKAELA] I GOT ANOTHER-- 990 00:51:19,133 --> 00:51:23,033 [TARYN] TRAVELING AS MUCH AS I AM CAN GET A LITTLE TIRING, 991 00:51:23,067 --> 00:51:26,700 BUT THE BEST PART OF MY DAY IS CHECKING IN WITH THE FAMILY. 992 00:51:26,733 --> 00:51:29,033 [MATHEW] SO HOW DID IT GO MEETING JADE? 993 00:51:29,067 --> 00:51:31,667 IT WAS GOOD. SHE WAS SO POSITIVE. 994 00:51:31,700 --> 00:51:35,200 WE HAD LOTS OF FUN AND WE SPOKE FOR HOURS. 995 00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:45,333 ONE THING THAT REALLY PUZZLES ME 996 00:51:45,367 --> 00:51:47,767 IS THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND MONEY WOMEN SPEND 997 00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,533 ATTEMPTING TO DEFY THEIR AGE. 998 00:51:50,567 --> 00:51:52,633 AND IN A WORLD WHERE SO MANY ARE TRYING TO ERADICATE 999 00:51:52,667 --> 00:51:54,400 THEIR LINES AND WRINKLES, 1000 00:51:54,433 --> 00:51:58,600 I'VE COME TO MEET SOMEONE WHO HAS GROWN TO LOVE THEM. 1001 00:51:58,633 --> 00:52:00,167 [WOMAN] AND, RENEE, I'M GOING TO ASK YOU TO MAKE 1002 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:01,800 SEVERAL MOVEMENTS OF YOUR FACE. 1003 00:52:01,833 --> 00:52:05,167 AND I'M GOING TO ASK YOU TO DO EACH MOVEMENT TWICE. 1004 00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:08,133 I WANT YOU TO HOLD EACH POSITION 1005 00:52:08,167 --> 00:52:09,400 UNTIL I TELL YOU TO RELEASE IT. 1006 00:52:09,433 --> 00:52:10,400 OKAY. 1007 00:52:10,433 --> 00:52:13,567 -READY? -YEP. 1008 00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:16,067 THE FIRST ONE IS RAISE YOUR EYEBROWS. 1009 00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:21,133 [WOMAN] I STARTED MODELING WHEN I WAS 12. 1010 00:52:21,167 --> 00:52:23,700 IT WAS MY ASPIRATION, REALLY, TO BE A SUPERMODEL, 1011 00:52:23,733 --> 00:52:27,233 LIKE THE LINDA EVANGELISTAS, AND THE CINDY CRAWFORDS, 1012 00:52:27,267 --> 00:52:28,700 AND THE CLAUDIA SCHIFFERS. 1013 00:52:28,733 --> 00:52:32,067 AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, WHEN I'M 29, 1014 00:52:32,100 --> 00:52:34,333 I'M JUST WRITING IN MY JOURNAL ONE DAY, 1015 00:52:34,367 --> 00:52:39,333 AND I WRITE, "THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH YOU." 1016 00:52:39,367 --> 00:52:40,800 YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. 1017 00:52:42,733 --> 00:52:44,767 MANY MONTHS LATER AND MANY DOCTORS LATER, 1018 00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:48,333 I REMEMBER STANDING IN FRONT OF THE X-RAY MACHINE, 1019 00:52:48,367 --> 00:52:51,567 AND I LOOKED UP AND WAS COMPLETELY STUNNED 1020 00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:55,167 TO SEE MY HEAD WITH A HUGE BRAIN TUMOR. 1021 00:52:56,700 --> 00:52:58,333 YOU KNOW, THE DOCTOR SAYING, "WELL, THE GOOD NEWS 1022 00:52:58,367 --> 00:53:01,467 IS THESE TYPES OF TUMORS ARE NEVER CANCEROUS. 1023 00:53:01,500 --> 00:53:03,333 BUT THE BAD NEWS IS, THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST 1024 00:53:03,367 --> 00:53:05,633 DANGEROUS FORMS OF MASSIVE BRAIN SURGERY, 1025 00:53:05,667 --> 00:53:08,267 AND YOU HAVE TO GET IMMEDIATE SURGERY." 1026 00:53:10,700 --> 00:53:14,733 I WOKE UP ABOUT 13 HOURS AFTER THE BRAIN SURGERY, 1027 00:53:14,767 --> 00:53:17,667 HEARING PEOPLE AROUND ME TALKING THAT SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED, 1028 00:53:17,700 --> 00:53:19,067 SOMETHING HAD GONE WRONG. 1029 00:53:22,067 --> 00:53:24,267 THE ONLY THING HOLDING MY FACIAL NERVE TOGETHER 1030 00:53:24,300 --> 00:53:26,133 WAS THE TUMOR ITSELF. 1031 00:53:26,167 --> 00:53:29,100 SO AS SOON AS THEY STARTED TAKING OUT THE TUMOR, 1032 00:53:29,133 --> 00:53:32,400 MY FACIAL NERVE JUST FELL APART. 1033 00:53:32,433 --> 00:53:34,333 ON ONE SIDE OF MY FACE, 1034 00:53:34,367 --> 00:53:37,400 ZERO WRINKLES, ZERO LINES. 1035 00:53:37,433 --> 00:53:39,133 AND ON THIS SIDE OF MY FACE, 1036 00:53:39,167 --> 00:53:44,167 I SAW THE PERSON THAT I KNEW MYSELF TO BE MY WHOLE LIFE. 1037 00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:46,167 AND I SAW... 1038 00:53:50,333 --> 00:53:55,033 I SAW LIKE MY SMILE LINES 1039 00:53:55,067 --> 00:53:59,500 THAT I HAD WORKED VERY HARD TO GET THOSE SMILE LINES 1040 00:53:59,533 --> 00:54:01,433 BECAUSE I HAD LIVED SO MUCH. 1041 00:54:01,467 --> 00:54:04,233 AND I JUST FELT ALL OF MY LIFE EXPERIENCE 1042 00:54:04,267 --> 00:54:06,133 ON ONE SIDE OF MY FACE, 1043 00:54:06,167 --> 00:54:10,500 AND ON THE OTHER SIDE OF MY FACE WAS JUST NOTHING. 1044 00:54:12,767 --> 00:54:14,533 [WOMAN] AND RELEASE. 1045 00:54:15,633 --> 00:54:18,800 DOWN AND TOGETHER. 1046 00:54:18,833 --> 00:54:21,833 TRY IT ONCE MORE. DOWN AND TOGETHER. HOLD. 1047 00:54:21,867 --> 00:54:24,633 [RENEE] EVERY DAY I JUST GOT IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR 1048 00:54:24,667 --> 00:54:28,300 AND I WOULD JUST STARE IN MY OWN EYES 1049 00:54:28,333 --> 00:54:31,100 AND TELL THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY FACE 1050 00:54:31,133 --> 00:54:34,033 TO ACT LIKE THE LEFT-HAND SIDE OF MY FACE. 1051 00:54:34,067 --> 00:54:37,133 AND THEN, JUST GRADUALLY, I WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE 1052 00:54:37,167 --> 00:54:39,800 LIKE PART OF ONE LITTLE TOOTH FIRST WHEN I SMILED, 1053 00:54:39,833 --> 00:54:41,367 AND THEN LIKE ANOTHER ONE WOULD COME. 1054 00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:42,800 AND THEN FINALLY TWO TEETH WOULD COME 1055 00:54:42,833 --> 00:54:44,467 WHEN I WOULD RUN INTO PEOPLE 1056 00:54:44,500 --> 00:54:46,233 AND THEY'RE LIKE "OH, MY GOD! IT'S A MIRACLE." 1057 00:54:46,267 --> 00:54:48,467 AND I WOULD SAY, "YES, OH, MY GOD! IT IS A MIRACLE." 1058 00:54:48,500 --> 00:54:51,767 AND THEN I WOULD KIND OF RETREAT AND SAY, 1059 00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:53,167 "IT'S A MIRACLE AND I'M GRATEFUL, 1060 00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:56,067 BUT I DON'T FEEL THAT GOOD ABOUT IT." 1061 00:54:56,100 --> 00:54:57,633 LIKE, I MISS MYSELF. 1062 00:54:57,667 --> 00:55:02,133 I MISS WALKING INTO A ROOM WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS, 1063 00:55:02,167 --> 00:55:05,300 AND JUST HOW I WOULD FEEL WHEN MY SMILE WOULD BEAM. 1064 00:55:05,333 --> 00:55:09,233 AND I JUST THOUGHT, "RENEE, YOU CAN EITHER BE DEPRESSED ABOUT THIS 1065 00:55:09,267 --> 00:55:11,233 THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, 1066 00:55:11,267 --> 00:55:15,100 OR YOU CAN FIGURE OUT A WAY TO STILL CONTINUE TO SHINE 1067 00:55:15,133 --> 00:55:17,100 THE BRIGHTNESS THAT YOU ARE INSIDE." 1068 00:55:19,100 --> 00:55:21,433 I STARTED, ACTUALLY, MAKING SOCIAL MEDIA VIDEOS. 1069 00:55:21,467 --> 00:55:24,333 I MEAN, TO ME THAT WAS ONE OF THE GUTSIEST THINGS THAT I COULD DO, 1070 00:55:24,367 --> 00:55:28,133 JUST, BOOM, SHARE MY FACE ON CAMERA. 1071 00:55:28,167 --> 00:55:32,067 AT THE BEGINNING, I THOUGHT THAT I WAS JUST DOING IT FOR MYSELF. 1072 00:55:32,100 --> 00:55:38,067 AND THROUGH THE PROCESS OF ME SHARING SO OPENLY AND VULNERABLY, 1073 00:55:38,100 --> 00:55:41,533 I COULD SEE PEOPLES HEARTS STARTING TO OPEN. 1074 00:55:41,567 --> 00:55:46,400 I COULD SEE MY STORY AND MY FLAWS TOUCHING THEM. 1075 00:55:47,767 --> 00:55:49,800 YOU KNOW, FLIPPING THE FLAWS IS GREAT. 1076 00:55:49,833 --> 00:55:51,167 ACCEPTING THEM IS WONDERFUL. 1077 00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:53,600 AND THEN ACTUALLY CELEBRATING? 1078 00:55:53,633 --> 00:55:57,033 WHEN WE DO THAT, WE ALLOW THE SAME SPACE FOR OTHERS. 1079 00:55:57,067 --> 00:55:59,400 WE STOP JUDGING OTHER PEOPLE SO MUCH. 1080 00:55:59,433 --> 00:56:02,067 OTHER PEOPLE STOP JUDGING US SO MUCH. 1081 00:56:02,100 --> 00:56:05,667 IT'S REALLY A PATH TO PEACE. 1082 00:56:05,700 --> 00:56:08,400 [TARYN] I LOVED THAT IDEA OF NOT JUDGING, 1083 00:56:08,433 --> 00:56:12,333 AND ON MY TRAVELS, I'VE HEARD SO MANY STORIES OF INSPIRATION 1084 00:56:12,367 --> 00:56:15,700 AND DEFIANCE AND DETERMINATION, 1085 00:56:15,733 --> 00:56:17,800 BUT NOT EVERYONE IS ON THAT PATH TO PEACE. 1086 00:56:21,733 --> 00:56:22,833 I'D LIKE TO BE THINNER. 1087 00:56:22,867 --> 00:56:24,800 I DON'T LIKE. 1088 00:56:24,833 --> 00:56:27,233 TOO BIG. TOO FAT. 1089 00:56:27,267 --> 00:56:29,533 MAYBE I'M A LITTLE BIT FAT. 1090 00:56:31,700 --> 00:56:34,300 THERE'S SOME DAYS WHEN I WANT TO CRY. 1091 00:56:37,333 --> 00:56:39,833 [TARYN] IT SEEMS UNBELIEVABLE THAT SO MANY OF US 1092 00:56:39,867 --> 00:56:42,700 HAVE LOST PERSPECTIVE ON WHAT MATTERS. 1093 00:56:42,733 --> 00:56:46,100 IT REMINDS ME OF A WOMAN I MET WHO SETS THE STORY STRAIGHT 1094 00:56:46,133 --> 00:56:47,700 ON WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. 1095 00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:52,100 [REPORTER] AT 24, THIS BRIGHT MINING ENGINEER 1096 00:56:52,133 --> 00:56:55,367 SIGNED UP FOR A 100-KILOMETER OUTBACK MARATHON. 1097 00:56:58,733 --> 00:57:03,667 THIS IS TURIA ON THE COURSE IN SEPTEMBER 2011. 1098 00:57:03,700 --> 00:57:07,400 SHE'S POWERING THROUGH THE KIMBERLEY. 1099 00:57:07,433 --> 00:57:11,700 BUT JUST A FEW HOURS LATER, SHE'D BE FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE 1100 00:57:11,733 --> 00:57:14,067 AFTER BEING TRAPPED IN A RAGING BUSHFIRE. 1101 00:57:19,100 --> 00:57:21,633 IT WAS A SHOCK TIME, 'CAUSE YOU WAKE UP 1102 00:57:21,667 --> 00:57:24,133 EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF 1103 00:57:24,167 --> 00:57:26,233 IN THE MORNING WHEN YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH, 1104 00:57:26,267 --> 00:57:28,333 AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU 1105 00:57:28,367 --> 00:57:30,233 AND THE NEXT TIME YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR, 1106 00:57:30,267 --> 00:57:32,400 YOU DON'T KNOW WHO'S STARING BACK AT YOU. 1107 00:57:32,433 --> 00:57:35,133 IT'S SORT OF LIKE, THE PERSON WHO WAS IN THE MIRROR, 1108 00:57:35,167 --> 00:57:36,700 THAT WASN'T ME. 1109 00:57:36,733 --> 00:57:41,067 THAT WASN'T WHO I SAW MYSELF AS. 1110 00:57:41,100 --> 00:57:43,500 BUT NOW WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR, I SEE ME. 1111 00:57:43,533 --> 00:57:47,000 WHICH SOUNDS REALLY RIDICULOUS, BECAUSE WHO ELSE WOULD I BE? 1112 00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:53,267 MAYBE IT WAS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME, 1113 00:57:53,300 --> 00:57:57,467 BECAUSE I'VE BEEN ABLE TO CREATE A LIFE FOR MYSELF 1114 00:57:57,500 --> 00:57:59,833 THAT I'M REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT. 1115 00:57:59,867 --> 00:58:01,467 MY ACCIDENT GAVE ME A VOICE, 1116 00:58:01,500 --> 00:58:03,400 AND IT GAVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE HEARD 1117 00:58:03,433 --> 00:58:06,133 AND IT GAVE ME THE RESOURCES TO PUT MY ENERGY 1118 00:58:06,167 --> 00:58:07,700 INTO SOMETHING THAT I WAS PASSIONATE ABOUT, 1119 00:58:07,733 --> 00:58:10,767 LIKE WORKING WITH INTERPLAST AND MY FOUNDATION. 1120 00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:12,667 SO IT COULD BE THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME 1121 00:58:12,700 --> 00:58:14,267 OR IT COULD BE THE BEST THING. 1122 00:58:14,300 --> 00:58:17,467 I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T THINK ANYONE DOES. 1123 00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:20,167 I REMEMBER SOMEONE STOPPED MICHAEL IN TOWN 1124 00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,367 AND THEY ASKED HIM WHY HE WAS STILL WITH ME. 1125 00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:26,267 AFTER I FOUND THAT OUT, I WAS REALLY CRUSHED 'CAUSE I THOUGHT, 1126 00:58:26,300 --> 00:58:28,600 "OH, IS THAT ALL THAT ANYONE EVER THOUGHT OF ME? 1127 00:58:28,633 --> 00:58:31,633 WAS I JUST A PRETTY GIRL? 1128 00:58:31,667 --> 00:58:35,767 LIKE, I'M SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST WHAT I LOOK LIKE. 1129 00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:38,167 I'M REALLY LUCKY TO HAVE HIM. 1130 00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:42,300 I SUPPOSE IT'S NOT REALLY LUCK, THOUGH. I'M PRETTY AWESOME. 1131 00:58:42,333 --> 00:58:43,767 WITH THE "WOMEN'S WEEKLY" COVER, 1132 00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:45,700 I GOT A LOT OF EMAILS AND THEY WENT-- 1133 00:58:45,733 --> 00:58:48,100 YOU KNOW, THEY SAID, "I HATE MY BODY, I HATE MY FACE, 1134 00:58:48,133 --> 00:58:51,100 I HATE MY LEGS, I HATE MY ARMS." 1135 00:58:51,133 --> 00:58:53,600 IT'S A WASTE OF ENERGY THAT PEOPLE SPEND 1136 00:58:53,633 --> 00:58:57,700 ALL OF THAT TIME WORRYING ABOUT HOW THEY LOOK 1137 00:58:57,733 --> 00:59:00,767 AS OPPOSED TO WHAT THEY CAN CONTRIBUTE. 1138 00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:02,500 I REALLY THINK IT'S ALL IN THE MIND. 1139 00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:06,367 IF YOU'RE SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING, 1140 00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:08,533 OTHER PEOPLE WILL NOTICE IT. 1141 00:59:08,567 --> 00:59:11,833 BUT IF YOU JUST OWN IT, PEOPLE DON'T CARE. 1142 00:59:11,867 --> 00:59:14,433 PEOPLE ARE TOO BUSY BEING WRAPPED UP IN THEIR OWN LIVES 1143 00:59:14,467 --> 00:59:16,600 TO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 1144 00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:20,733 AND I'VE GONE THROUGH SOMETHING SO HUGE 1145 00:59:20,767 --> 00:59:23,267 THAT MOST PEOPLE DON'T GO THROUGH, SO I THINK, 1146 00:59:23,300 --> 00:59:28,367 "WELL, I'VE MANAGED TO START MY LIFE AGAIN FROM SCRATCH, 1147 00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:32,300 I'M NOT SURE WHY OTHER PEOPLE CAN'T." 1148 00:59:32,333 --> 00:59:35,833 THAT PROBABLY SOUNDS A LITTLE BIT HARSH, 1149 00:59:35,867 --> 00:59:37,800 BUT IT'S JUST HOW I FEEL. 1150 00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:50,667 [TARYN] NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, HAVING TO FACE 1151 00:59:50,700 --> 00:59:53,700 YOUR INNER CRITIC CAN BE ONE OF LIFE'S GREATEST CHALLENGES. 1152 00:59:55,500 --> 00:59:57,333 I'VE COME TO LONDON TO MEET SOMEONE 1153 00:59:57,367 --> 00:59:59,633 WHO'S MANAGED TO OVERCOME THE CRITICISM 1154 00:59:59,667 --> 01:00:03,633 AND ACCEPT AND LOVE THEMSELVES JUST AS THEY ARE. 1155 01:00:03,667 --> 01:00:05,500 SO ONE DAY I JUST LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND I THOUGHT, 1156 01:00:05,533 --> 01:00:07,633 "OH, GOSH." THEN WE WENT TO THE DOCTOR'S. 1157 01:00:07,667 --> 01:00:09,800 THEY DIAGNOSED ME WITH POLYCYSTIC OVARIES, 1158 01:00:09,833 --> 01:00:14,067 WHICH DID LEAD ME TO GROW LOTS AND LOTS OF FACIAL HAIR. 1159 01:00:14,100 --> 01:00:16,533 SO I USED TO GO TO THE BEAUTICIANS, AND THEY USED TO WAX IT, 1160 01:00:16,567 --> 01:00:19,033 AND IT GREW BACK WITH A VENGEANCE, 1161 01:00:19,067 --> 01:00:21,567 AND IT CAME BACK ALL OVER MY FACE. 1162 01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:23,700 YEAH, AND IT WAS DARKER, IT'S THICKER, IT'S LONGER 1163 01:00:23,733 --> 01:00:25,300 THAN WHAT IT USED TO BE BEFORE. 1164 01:00:26,867 --> 01:00:29,700 I SPENT YEARS AND YEARS REMOVING MY FACIAL HAIR. 1165 01:00:29,733 --> 01:00:32,033 AND I HATED MY BODY FOR THE WAY IT LOOKED. 1166 01:00:32,067 --> 01:00:36,400 SO, I WAS HARMING IT, AND I WAS PUNISHING MY BODY BY SELF HARMING IT. 1167 01:00:36,433 --> 01:00:39,433 IT WAS EXCRUCIATING. 1168 01:00:39,467 --> 01:00:42,400 MY BEDROOM WAS MY SAFE HAVEN, SO I WOULD GO TO SCHOOL, 1169 01:00:42,433 --> 01:00:44,233 AND THEN COME BACK STRAIGHT TO MY BEDROOM, 1170 01:00:44,267 --> 01:00:46,600 AND I DIDN'T GO OUT. I DIDN'T HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE. 1171 01:00:46,633 --> 01:00:50,233 I WASN'T ABLE TO MEET NEW PEOPLE OR MAKE NEW FRIENDS. 1172 01:00:50,267 --> 01:00:53,700 MY TURNING POINT WAS THE DAY THAT I DECIDED 1173 01:00:53,733 --> 01:00:55,800 TO ACTUALLY END MY LIFE. 1174 01:00:55,833 --> 01:00:58,633 I DON'T THINK PEOPLE REALIZE HOW MUCH STRENGTH 1175 01:00:58,667 --> 01:01:00,667 IT TAKES FOR YOU TO ONE DAY WAKE UP AND SAY, 1176 01:01:00,700 --> 01:01:03,533 "DO YOU KNOW WHAT? TODAY, I JUST WANT TO END MYSELF." 1177 01:01:03,567 --> 01:01:05,567 IT TAKES A LOT OF ENERGY, 1178 01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:08,833 AND FOR ME IT WAS A LOT OF NEGATIVE ENERGY. 1179 01:01:08,867 --> 01:01:11,400 AND I THOUGHT-- WELL, LITERALLY, 1180 01:01:11,433 --> 01:01:12,733 I WAS SAT THERE ON MY BED 1181 01:01:12,767 --> 01:01:15,167 AND I WAS READY TO GO AHEAD WITH THIS ACT. 1182 01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:17,333 AND I THOUGHT-- IN A SPLIT SECOND, 1183 01:01:17,367 --> 01:01:19,500 I THOUGHT, "WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TURN THIS NEGATIVE ENERGY 1184 01:01:19,533 --> 01:01:22,233 INTO POSITIVE ENERGY AND ACTUALLY GRASP HOLD 1185 01:01:22,267 --> 01:01:25,033 OF YOUR LIFE AND ACTUALLY LEARN TO BE HAPPY?" 1186 01:01:26,867 --> 01:01:28,567 I REMEMBER SITTING ON MY BED ONE DAY 1187 01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:31,667 AND GOING THROUGH ALL OF THESE NEGATIVE LABELS, 1188 01:01:31,700 --> 01:01:35,100 AND ACTUALLY PLASTERING POSITIVE LABELS ON MYSELF, 1189 01:01:35,133 --> 01:01:36,467 SO WHEN SOMEONE CALLED ME UGLY, 1190 01:01:36,500 --> 01:01:37,567 I WOULD SAY, "NO, I'M BEAUTIFUL." 1191 01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:39,133 IF SOMEONE CALLED ME FAT, 1192 01:01:39,167 --> 01:01:40,467 I'D BE LIKE, "NO, I'M QUITE SEXY." 1193 01:01:40,500 --> 01:01:42,500 I THINK THAT'S ALL WOMEN NEED TO DO. 1194 01:01:42,533 --> 01:01:45,400 I THINK WOMEN NEED TO START FINDING POSITIVE WORDS 1195 01:01:45,433 --> 01:01:48,233 ABOUT THEIR BODIES AND ACTUALLY EMBEDDING THEM 1196 01:01:48,267 --> 01:01:49,467 IN THEIR HEART. 1197 01:01:49,500 --> 01:01:50,633 YOU HAVE TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL. 1198 01:01:50,667 --> 01:01:52,167 YOU HAVE TO FEEL LOVE FOR YOURSELF. 1199 01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:54,600 YOU HAVE TO FEEL COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF. 1200 01:01:54,633 --> 01:01:56,367 THAT'S THE TURNING POINT. 1201 01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:58,500 INTERNALLY, YOU HAVE TO CHANGE FIRST. 1202 01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:01,233 I LOVE MY BEARD. 1203 01:02:01,267 --> 01:02:03,067 YEAH, I GET ALL DIFFERENT REACTIONS. 1204 01:02:03,100 --> 01:02:05,533 SOME ARE QUITE INTRIGUED AND SOME ARE QUITE NASTY. 1205 01:02:05,567 --> 01:02:08,533 AND THEY CALL ME THINGS LIKE, "SHE MAN" OR "SHE MALE." 1206 01:02:08,567 --> 01:02:10,400 WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME STRAIGHT UP TO MY FACE 1207 01:02:10,433 --> 01:02:12,267 THAT "YOU NEED TO SHAVE, YOU LOOK UGLY." 1208 01:02:12,300 --> 01:02:15,733 BUT TO ME, I DON'T FEEL UGLY, I FEEL REALLY BEAUTIFUL. 1209 01:02:15,767 --> 01:02:18,533 SO, WHEN PEOPLE DO COME TO ME WITH COMMENTS LIKE THAT, 1210 01:02:18,567 --> 01:02:20,767 I JUST SORT OF BRUSH THEM AWAY BECAUSE I KNOW THEY'RE NOT TRUE, 1211 01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:24,133 AND I KNOW THAT'S THEIR OPINION OF ME. 1212 01:02:24,167 --> 01:02:26,500 AND FOR THEM THAT OPINION MIGHT BE TRUE, 1213 01:02:26,533 --> 01:02:28,533 BUT, TO ME, IT'S NOT. I LIVE A DIFFERENT LIFE 1214 01:02:28,567 --> 01:02:32,267 THAN THEM AND IT'S FINE. I'M HAPPY WITH THAT. 1215 01:02:32,300 --> 01:02:35,200 THERE'S NO DEFINITE ANSWER TO WHAT BEAUTY IS. 1216 01:02:35,233 --> 01:02:36,533 BEAUTY IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. 1217 01:02:36,567 --> 01:02:38,467 WE'RE ALL SO DIFFERENT. 1218 01:02:38,500 --> 01:02:40,700 WE NEED TO CELEBRATE THE FACT THAT WE ARE DIFFERENT. 1219 01:02:40,733 --> 01:02:43,300 AND THAT IN ITSELF IS BEAUTY. 1220 01:02:43,333 --> 01:02:46,333 LOVE YOUR BODIES FOR THE WAY THAT THEY ARE, 1221 01:02:46,367 --> 01:02:50,233 BECAUSE YOUR BODY IS THE ONLY BODY THAT YOU HAVE, 1222 01:02:50,267 --> 01:02:54,467 AND WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT SUCH A BEAUTIFUL BODY? 1223 01:03:08,133 --> 01:03:11,600 [TARYN] I'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR A LONG TIME. 1224 01:03:11,633 --> 01:03:14,700 I MISS HOME, MY BED, AND MOST OF ALL I MISS MY KIDS. 1225 01:03:20,667 --> 01:03:24,400 THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA, I'VE BEEN ABLE TO CONNECT WITH SOME AMAZING PEOPLE. 1226 01:03:25,833 --> 01:03:27,667 ONE WOMAN WHO SHARES MY PASSION 1227 01:03:27,700 --> 01:03:29,667 FOR CHANGING ATTITUDES ABOUT BODY IMAGE 1228 01:03:29,700 --> 01:03:32,467 IS GERMAN ACTRESS NORA TSCHIRNER. 1229 01:03:32,500 --> 01:03:36,167 SHE'S INVITED ME TO VIENNA TO ATTEND A RED CARPET EVENT, 1230 01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:38,700 AND I'M EXCITED TO GO BEHIND THE SCENES 1231 01:03:38,733 --> 01:03:41,100 AND TO HEAR HER INSIGHTS INTO THIS WORLD. 1232 01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:49,600 I THINK-- I'M NOT SURE, BUT I THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A LONG DRESS. 1233 01:03:49,633 --> 01:03:51,400 YOU DIDN'T TELL YOU IT WAS LONG DRESS. 1234 01:03:51,433 --> 01:03:54,633 IT'S A ROBE. ISN'T THAT A BALL GOWN THING? 1235 01:03:54,667 --> 01:03:57,167 -ISN'T THAT A-- -THAT'S KIND OF BALL GOWN-ISH. 1236 01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:59,700 MAYBE IN AUSTRALIA! 1237 01:03:59,733 --> 01:04:01,167 AW, SHIT. 1238 01:04:10,333 --> 01:04:12,333 [NORA] TO FOCUS SO MUCH ON YOUR LOOKS, 1239 01:04:12,367 --> 01:04:15,667 IT'S A RACE THAT YOU CAN WIN FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS, 1240 01:04:15,700 --> 01:04:18,700 AND THEN THAT'S IT, BECAUSE THEN YOU START TO AGE. 1241 01:04:18,733 --> 01:04:21,733 LIKE, I HAVE NOT HEARD OF A PERSON WINNING IT SO FAR. 1242 01:04:28,700 --> 01:04:32,200 BUT THEN, STILL, IF YOU'RE STARTING TO BE AN ACTOR 1243 01:04:32,233 --> 01:04:37,067 AND YOUR FACE IS ON THE SCREEN AND IT'S, LIKE, VERY BIG, 1244 01:04:37,100 --> 01:04:39,100 THERE'S MOMENTS WHEN YOU START TO THINK, 1245 01:04:39,133 --> 01:04:44,400 "WELL, I MEAN, THIS SIDE DOES JUST LOOK BETTER," AND STUFF. 1246 01:04:44,433 --> 01:04:48,100 AND I REALLY HAD TO FORCE MYSELF TO NOT BE TOO STRICT ABOUT IT. 1247 01:04:48,133 --> 01:04:50,567 NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, ACTUALLY, I REALLY TRIED TO NOT GO 1248 01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:53,100 ON THESE EVENTS A LOT BECAUSE IT'S SO MUCH-- 1249 01:04:53,133 --> 01:04:55,767 "OH, MY GOD. DO YOU SEE WHO'S OVER THERE?" 1250 01:04:55,800 --> 01:04:58,333 THIS WHOLE "GOSSIP GIRL" SCENARIO, 1251 01:04:58,367 --> 01:05:00,567 SINCE I'M NOT 16 ANYMORE, IT'S JUST-- 1252 01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:02,267 IT'S SUPER STRESSFUL FOR ME. 1253 01:05:02,300 --> 01:05:03,333 -YEAH. -I THINK. 1254 01:05:05,333 --> 01:05:08,633 [SIGHS] I'VE DONE PHOTOSHOOTS WHERE I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY 1255 01:05:08,667 --> 01:05:11,800 TO, "OH, MY GOD, I LOOK LIKE 1256 01:05:11,833 --> 01:05:14,367 I'VE NEVER SMILED IN MY WHOLE LIFE, 1257 01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:16,233 AND EVERYTHING'S JUST SUPER INTENSE. 1258 01:05:16,267 --> 01:05:18,300 AND I HAVE PAIN ALL OVER MY BODY AND STUFF." 1259 01:05:18,333 --> 01:05:19,733 AND I KNOW HOW TO DO THAT AND I'VE DONE IT, 1260 01:05:19,767 --> 01:05:22,633 BUT I WAS SUPER YOUNG, AND NOW I'M ALSO LIKE, 1261 01:05:22,667 --> 01:05:24,433 "HOLY SHIT, WHY DID I LIKE THAT SO MUCH?" 1262 01:05:24,467 --> 01:05:26,667 IF I LOOK AT IT NOW, I FEEL A BIT STUPID. 1263 01:05:30,533 --> 01:05:33,567 THE MOST SUCCESSFUL FILMS I WAS IN, I WAS PLAYING 1264 01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:38,533 THIS UGLY DUCKLING THAT KIND OF NEVER TURNS INTO THE BEAUTIFUL SWAN. 1265 01:05:38,567 --> 01:05:39,733 AND SHE'S AN AMAZING CHARACTER. 1266 01:05:39,767 --> 01:05:41,267 I LOVE HER-- ANNA GOTZLOWSKI. 1267 01:05:41,300 --> 01:05:43,033 AND SHE'S KIND OF THIS NERD 1268 01:05:43,067 --> 01:05:46,267 WHO WEARS THESE BIG KNITTED JACKETS. 1269 01:05:47,600 --> 01:05:49,100 SHE'S SUCH A NERD. 1270 01:05:49,133 --> 01:05:52,833 AND THESE GLASSES, BUT SHE CHOSE THAT STYLE. 1271 01:05:52,867 --> 01:05:54,400 AND THERE WAS TALK IN THE BEGINNING 1272 01:05:54,433 --> 01:05:56,733 TO LET HER CHANGE DURING THAT STORY 1273 01:05:56,767 --> 01:05:58,333 AND TO MAKE HER WEAR CONTACT LENSES, 1274 01:05:58,367 --> 01:06:01,267 BUT THEN WE GOT RID OF THAT IDEA 1275 01:06:01,300 --> 01:06:02,633 AND LET HER STAY THE SAME, 1276 01:06:02,667 --> 01:06:04,833 AND EVERY TIME SHE'S STARTING TO DRESS UP 1277 01:06:04,867 --> 01:06:07,767 AND BECOMES ANOTHER PERSON FOR A DATE OR SOMETHING, 1278 01:06:07,800 --> 01:06:09,833 EVERYTHING GOES WRONG. SO THAT WAS KIND OF COOL. 1279 01:06:09,867 --> 01:06:13,100 [SPEAKING GERMAN] 1280 01:06:19,100 --> 01:06:20,667 [TARYN] SO, NORA, YOU SPENT A LOT OF TIME 1281 01:06:20,700 --> 01:06:22,400 IN THE MEDIA SPOTLIGHT, 1282 01:06:22,433 --> 01:06:24,367 WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE JUDGED? 1283 01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:26,733 IF IT HAPPENS TO ME, IT'S NOT SUCH A BIG PROBLEM. 1284 01:06:26,767 --> 01:06:29,800 I GET-- I TEND TO GET VERY EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED 1285 01:06:29,833 --> 01:06:31,367 IF I SEE IT HAPPENING ON TELEVISION, 1286 01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:33,733 LIKE, ON CASTING SHOWS, 1287 01:06:33,767 --> 01:06:37,400 WHERE GROWN UP PEOPLE WHO MUST KNOW 1288 01:06:37,433 --> 01:06:38,833 THAT THEY'RE ROLE MODELS 1289 01:06:38,867 --> 01:06:41,500 TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR THIGH GAPS, 1290 01:06:41,533 --> 01:06:44,767 THAT WILL LEAD TO THE NEXT GENERATION OF PEOPLE 1291 01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:46,233 WHO ARE EVEN MORE FOCUSED 1292 01:06:46,267 --> 01:06:49,333 ON STUFF THAT IS SO UNIMPORTANT. 1293 01:06:49,367 --> 01:06:51,633 [SPEAKING GERMAN] 1294 01:06:51,667 --> 01:06:53,600 I FELT THAT I WAS ALWAYS HAPPIEST 1295 01:06:53,633 --> 01:06:57,500 WHEN I JUST WENT WALKING THROUGH THE WINTER AND HAD A BIG JACKET ON, 1296 01:06:57,533 --> 01:06:59,767 AND MY FACE WAS RED BECAUSE IT WAS SO COLD, 1297 01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:01,100 AND I DIDN'T WEAR ANY MAKEUP 1298 01:07:01,133 --> 01:07:04,600 AND I SMELLED LIKE A VERY OLD FOX. 1299 01:07:06,400 --> 01:07:09,033 BEST DRESSED AND WORST DRESSED 2000 SOMETHING 1300 01:07:09,067 --> 01:07:10,833 FROM THIS GERMAN NEWSPAPER. 1301 01:07:10,867 --> 01:07:13,267 AND I WAS LIKE, "OKAY, SHE IS-- YEAH, THAT'S NOT SO GOOD." 1302 01:07:13,300 --> 01:07:16,133 AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I SAW MYSELF. 1303 01:07:16,167 --> 01:07:18,600 AND WHAT WERE YOU? WHAT SIDE OF THE LIST? 1304 01:07:18,633 --> 01:07:21,167 I HAVE TO DISAPPOINT YOU. NOT THE GOOD ONE. 1305 01:07:21,200 --> 01:07:24,133 AND THE THING IS, SHE SAID, "THE WAY SHE'S WORKING, 1306 01:07:24,167 --> 01:07:25,767 SHE'S WEARING THAT MAKEUP AND THAT HAIR, 1307 01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:27,600 THAT UNDONE LOOK, 1308 01:07:27,633 --> 01:07:32,033 THAT'S A SLAP ON THE FACE OF THE DESIGNER." 1309 01:07:32,067 --> 01:07:33,833 -YOU'RE JOKING. -NO, SERIOUSLY. 1310 01:07:33,867 --> 01:07:35,200 IT'S HORRIBLE. 1311 01:07:35,233 --> 01:07:38,533 -THIS IS NORA. -SLAPPING PEOPLE. 1312 01:07:38,567 --> 01:07:40,600 -SLAPPING PEOPLE IN THE FACE. -THIS ISN'T NORA. 1313 01:07:40,633 --> 01:07:42,633 HONESTLY, TODAY'S LIKE WIN OR LOSE FOREVER. 1314 01:07:42,667 --> 01:07:44,833 IT'S "GAME OF THRONES" HERE. I MIGHT DIE. 1315 01:07:44,867 --> 01:07:47,700 BECAUSE IF I SLAP ONE MORE DESIGNER ON THE FACE 1316 01:07:47,733 --> 01:07:50,133 WITH NOT WEARING MAKEUP OR THE RIGHT MAKEUP. 1317 01:08:04,067 --> 01:08:05,700 DANKE. 1318 01:08:06,867 --> 01:08:09,133 [TARYN] NORA! 1319 01:08:09,167 --> 01:08:10,700 NORA, WHAT HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME TO? 1320 01:08:10,733 --> 01:08:12,133 [NORA] I DON'T KNOW, THEY DIDN'T TELL ME. 1321 01:08:12,167 --> 01:08:13,667 I THOUGHT IT WAS A CAT SHOW. 1322 01:08:13,700 --> 01:08:15,800 STEALING MY THUNDER, AGAIN? 1323 01:08:15,833 --> 01:08:18,333 [CHATTERING] 1324 01:08:22,467 --> 01:08:23,833 YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE, 1325 01:08:23,867 --> 01:08:25,267 AND 20 PEOPLE ARE SHOUTING AT YOU 1326 01:08:25,300 --> 01:08:26,700 AND TRYING TO MAKE YOU DO SOMETHING, 1327 01:08:26,733 --> 01:08:29,033 AND YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IT, AND YOU'RE LIKE, 1328 01:08:29,067 --> 01:08:30,367 "THEY'RE FRIGHTFUL PEOPLE." 1329 01:08:30,400 --> 01:08:34,433 AND THEN IT ENDS WITH THEM BEING LIKE-- 1330 01:08:34,467 --> 01:08:36,233 "OH, MAN!" 1331 01:08:36,267 --> 01:08:38,733 SO I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I LET THEM DOWN. 1332 01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:53,167 FOR THE MOST POPULAR ACTRESS, 1333 01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:57,600 IT'S NORA TSCHIRNER. 1334 01:09:10,700 --> 01:09:13,367 * I CAN BE A WOMAN, I CAN BE A MAN * 1335 01:09:13,400 --> 01:09:15,600 * I CAN BE THE WATCHER FROM THE GRANDSTAND * 1336 01:09:15,633 --> 01:09:18,267 [TARYN] I'M THRILLED TO BE IN NEW YORK FOR A PHOTO SHOOT 1337 01:09:18,300 --> 01:09:20,800 WHICH CELEBRATES BODY DIVERSITY. 1338 01:09:20,833 --> 01:09:23,300 BEHIND THE CAMERA IS THE MAN WHO SHOOTS FOR RALPH LAUREN, 1339 01:09:23,333 --> 01:09:28,433 GUCCI, VICTORIA'S SECRET-- THE LIST GOES ON. 1340 01:09:28,467 --> 01:09:31,400 [MAN] SOME OF THESE WOMEN THAT YOU SEE IN THE MOVIES 1341 01:09:31,433 --> 01:09:35,200 OR IN COMMERCIALS OR IN MAGAZINES, 1342 01:09:35,233 --> 01:09:38,300 AND YOU THINK, GOD, THEY'RE FLAWLESS. 1343 01:09:38,333 --> 01:09:40,500 WELL, IN THEIR MINDS, THEY'RE NOT. 1344 01:09:40,533 --> 01:09:44,200 THEY'RE CONCERNED THAT YOU DON'T SHOOT THEM FROM CERTAIN ANGLES, 1345 01:09:44,233 --> 01:09:48,533 THAT YOU DON'T SHOOT THEM IN WAYS THAT THEY THINK ARE UNFLATTERING 1346 01:09:48,567 --> 01:09:51,133 BECAUSE THEY HAVE BODY IMAGE ISSUES. 1347 01:09:51,167 --> 01:09:52,800 AND EVERYBODY CARRIES THAT AROUND. 1348 01:09:52,833 --> 01:09:55,100 EVERYBODY HAS THOSE INNER CRITICS 1349 01:09:55,133 --> 01:10:00,100 THAT REALLY INHIBIT THEM AND ACT AS AN OBSTACLE 1350 01:10:00,133 --> 01:10:01,733 TO FULFILLMENT AND HAPPINESS. 1351 01:10:04,467 --> 01:10:06,400 [WOMAN] I'M GONNA MAKE THEM A LOT BIGGER THAN HERS. 1352 01:10:09,167 --> 01:10:10,700 [MADOFF] WHAT STRUCK ME ABOUT BEING HERE 1353 01:10:10,733 --> 01:10:12,600 WITH THESE WOMEN TONIGHT, 1354 01:10:12,633 --> 01:10:14,600 AND THERE WAS AN ASSORTMENT OF PEOPLE-- 1355 01:10:14,633 --> 01:10:17,167 A WOMAN WHO WAS QUITE HEAVY, 1356 01:10:17,200 --> 01:10:19,833 A WOMAN WHO WAS PHYSICALLY IMPAIRED... 1357 01:10:19,867 --> 01:10:21,133 THAT LOOKS REALLY NICE. 1358 01:10:21,167 --> 01:10:22,300 ...A MODEL, 1359 01:10:22,333 --> 01:10:25,700 A TRANSGENDERED PERSON, 1360 01:10:25,733 --> 01:10:29,667 THE COMMON DENOMINATOR WAS AFFECTION, 1361 01:10:29,700 --> 01:10:31,267 AND ACCEPTANCE OF EACH OTHER. 1362 01:10:31,300 --> 01:10:32,367 GOOD. YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT. 1363 01:10:32,400 --> 01:10:33,733 YOU REALLY DO. 1364 01:10:33,767 --> 01:10:37,033 AND I THINK THAT IF THERE WAS MORE AFFECTION 1365 01:10:37,067 --> 01:10:40,833 AND ACCEPTANCE, RATHER THAN CRITICISM 1366 01:10:40,867 --> 01:10:44,733 AND VITRIOL AND POINTING, 1367 01:10:44,767 --> 01:10:46,833 THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE. 1368 01:10:46,867 --> 01:10:49,367 ONE, TWO, THREE. 1369 01:10:53,633 --> 01:10:56,133 [WOMAN] OFTEN, PEOPLE WITH VISIBLE DISABILITIES 1370 01:10:56,167 --> 01:10:57,667 ARE CONSTANTLY STARED AT, 1371 01:10:57,700 --> 01:10:59,733 AND SO PUTTING YOURSELF IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA 1372 01:10:59,767 --> 01:11:02,567 CONTROLS THE GAZE AND GIVES A SENSE OF EMPOWERMENT, 1373 01:11:02,600 --> 01:11:04,433 SO THAT, YES, YOU ARE STARING AT MY BODY. 1374 01:11:04,467 --> 01:11:07,533 AND I'M GOING TO CONTROL HOW YOU'RE STARING AT MY BODY, 1375 01:11:07,567 --> 01:11:11,833 AND HAVE THE COMMENTARY OF WHAT I FEEL ABOUT MY BODY, 1376 01:11:11,867 --> 01:11:15,467 AND NOT PUT YOUR PERCEPTIONS OF MY BODY ONTO ME. 1377 01:11:15,500 --> 01:11:17,333 I AM GOING TO CONTROL WHAT YOU'RE SEEING 1378 01:11:17,367 --> 01:11:19,067 AND HOW YOU PERCEIVE ME. 1379 01:11:19,100 --> 01:11:21,533 JUST RECASTING THE GAZE 1380 01:11:21,567 --> 01:11:24,300 AND BEING EMPOWERED BY PUTTING OUR BODIES 1381 01:11:24,333 --> 01:11:25,733 IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA. 1382 01:11:28,167 --> 01:11:30,200 [WOMAN] IT WAS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME. 1383 01:11:30,233 --> 01:11:33,600 WHEN I FIRST HEARD ABOUT IT, IMMEDIATELY MY MIND SAID, 1384 01:11:33,633 --> 01:11:36,633 "NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT. IT'S NOT AN OPTION." 1385 01:11:36,667 --> 01:11:39,533 AND THEN I KEPT THINKING ABOUT IT 1386 01:11:39,567 --> 01:11:43,033 THAT IT COULD HELP PEOPLE. 1387 01:11:43,067 --> 01:11:46,433 THEN I STARTED THINKING THAT IT ISN'T-- 1388 01:11:46,467 --> 01:11:49,167 MY INSECURITIES DON'T REALLY MATTER. 1389 01:11:49,200 --> 01:11:51,433 I WOULD HOPE THAT IT COULD INSPIRE 1390 01:11:51,467 --> 01:11:55,600 OTHER TRANS QUESTIONING PEOPLE IN THE WORLD 1391 01:11:55,633 --> 01:11:57,733 TO LOVE THEIR BODIES, I GUESS. 1392 01:11:57,767 --> 01:12:02,400 THAT'S BEEN A JOURNEY FOR ME I'M STILL WORKING ON. 1393 01:12:06,600 --> 01:12:08,833 TONIGHT, IT JUST CHANGED ME. 1394 01:12:08,867 --> 01:12:11,033 IT CHANGED THE WAY I SEE MYSELF COMPLETELY. 1395 01:12:11,067 --> 01:12:13,667 SEEING MANY OTHER WOMEN WITH DIFFERENT BODY TYPES 1396 01:12:13,700 --> 01:12:15,133 FEELING COMFORTABLE AND CONFIDENT 1397 01:12:15,167 --> 01:12:17,367 ABOUT THEIR BODIES, THAT EMPOWERED ME TODAY. 1398 01:12:20,267 --> 01:12:22,133 IT'S NOT ABOUT US VERSUS THEM. 1399 01:12:22,167 --> 01:12:24,667 IT'S ABOUT WOMEN COMING TOGETHER AS ONE 1400 01:12:24,700 --> 01:12:26,600 AND SAYING, "LOOK, WE'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL. 1401 01:12:26,633 --> 01:12:28,600 WE'RE ALL CONFIDENT. LET'S WORK TOGETHER. 1402 01:12:28,633 --> 01:12:31,667 LET'S SHOW THE WORLD THAT WE CAN ALL BE BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER." 1403 01:12:31,700 --> 01:12:35,167 I'M HOPING THAT THERE'S A WOMAN OUT THERE THAT'S PLUS SIZE 1404 01:12:35,200 --> 01:12:38,067 THAT REALLY DOESN'T LIKE HER BODY TOO MUCH 1405 01:12:38,100 --> 01:12:39,567 AND SEES ME IN MY BRA AND UNDERWEAR 1406 01:12:39,600 --> 01:12:42,067 AND IS LIKE, "HEY, IT'S NOT THAT BAD." 1407 01:12:42,100 --> 01:12:44,633 ESPECIALLY FOR MOMS, YOU KNOW? 1408 01:12:44,667 --> 01:12:46,333 WEIGHT COMES WITH HAVING CHILDREN. 1409 01:12:46,367 --> 01:12:49,067 SOME STRETCH MARKS, A LITTLE CELLULITE. 1410 01:12:49,100 --> 01:12:53,267 AT THE END OF THE DAY, NO ONE LOOKS AT YOU LIKE, "EW." 1411 01:12:53,300 --> 01:12:55,067 IT'S YOU THAT TEARS YOURSELF APART 1412 01:12:55,100 --> 01:12:58,367 AND SETS THE STAGE FOR PEOPLE TO FROWN AT YOU, 1413 01:12:58,400 --> 01:12:59,600 BUT THE MORE THAT YOU LOVE IT, 1414 01:12:59,633 --> 01:13:01,300 EVERYBODY ELSE WILL LOVE IT, TOO. 1415 01:13:01,333 --> 01:13:02,833 I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM AT ALL. 1416 01:13:02,867 --> 01:13:07,500 IT'S OKAY TO LOVE YOURSELF EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE. 1417 01:13:07,533 --> 01:13:10,767 I HAVE A RULE OF THUMB. IF YOU'RE IN MY PRESENCE, 1418 01:13:10,800 --> 01:13:13,767 YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK BAD ABOUT YOURSELF AT ALL. 1419 01:13:13,800 --> 01:13:15,233 IT'S CONTAGIOUS. 1420 01:13:15,267 --> 01:13:17,133 WE CAN EITHER MAKE THE NEGATIVE CONTAGIOUS 1421 01:13:17,167 --> 01:13:19,133 OR WE CAN MAKE THE POSITIVE CONTAGIOUS, 1422 01:13:19,167 --> 01:13:21,267 SO WE'LL JUST GO AHEAD AND MAKE THE POSITIVE CONTAGIOUS. 1423 01:13:21,300 --> 01:13:23,467 NO CHOICE. 1424 01:13:23,500 --> 01:13:26,367 [MADOFF] THE FEELING THAT ONE GETS FROM BEING ACCEPTED, 1425 01:13:26,400 --> 01:13:30,267 OF BEING EMBRACED, IS A WONDERFUL FEELING. 1426 01:13:30,300 --> 01:13:35,167 SO I THINK IF YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH LIFE FEELING BETTER, 1427 01:13:35,200 --> 01:13:38,333 THEN YOU OPEN YOUR ARMS TO EMBRACE OTHERS. 1428 01:13:47,233 --> 01:13:49,267 [TARYN] SO I'M HEADING BACK TO AUSTRALIA. 1429 01:13:49,300 --> 01:13:52,200 FIRST STOP SYDNEY, THEN ONTO HOME. 1430 01:13:52,233 --> 01:13:55,833 I'M SO EXCITED, I JUST CAN'T WAIT. 1431 01:13:55,867 --> 01:13:59,067 I RECEIVED THIS PHONE CALL FROM A GUY CALLED NIGEL MARSH. 1432 01:13:59,100 --> 01:14:02,200 HE INVITED ME TO TAKE PART IN HIS NUDE SWIMMING EVENT 1433 01:14:02,233 --> 01:14:03,533 IN THE SYDNEY HARBOR. 1434 01:14:03,567 --> 01:14:05,700 AND I WAS LIKE, "WHO ARE YOU?" 1435 01:14:05,733 --> 01:14:07,200 I ALMOST HUNG UP ON HIM 1436 01:14:07,233 --> 01:14:09,100 BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS A STALKER. 1437 01:14:09,133 --> 01:14:10,667 BUT AFTER MEETING HIM, 1438 01:14:10,700 --> 01:14:12,833 I DECIDED TAKING PART IN THE SYDNEY SKINNY 1439 01:14:12,867 --> 01:14:14,600 SEEMED LIKE A REALLY GREAT IDEA. 1440 01:14:17,233 --> 01:14:18,500 [NIGEL] IT INVOLVES YOU GETTING NAKED, 1441 01:14:18,533 --> 01:14:21,400 BUT IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH NUDISM. 1442 01:14:21,433 --> 01:14:24,667 IT'S A LIBERATING THING WHERE YOU GO, "AH, WOW. 1443 01:14:24,700 --> 01:14:28,500 JUST MAYBE I SHOULD STOP AGONIZING ABOUT MY MUFFIN TOP 1444 01:14:28,533 --> 01:14:31,767 OR LOSING AN EXTRA SEVEN--" IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. 1445 01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:33,767 GET FIT, DON'T GET FIT. NO ONE CARES. 1446 01:14:33,800 --> 01:14:37,033 IT'S NOT THE MAIN POINT OF LIFE 1447 01:14:37,067 --> 01:14:40,167 TO SPEND YOUR WHOLE LIFE AGONIZING 1448 01:14:40,200 --> 01:14:42,067 ABOUT NOT HAVING A BODY SHAPE 1449 01:14:42,100 --> 01:14:46,100 THAT THE MEDIA INSISTS THAT YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT. 1450 01:14:46,133 --> 01:14:48,533 SO, HERE WE GO! WHOO! 1451 01:14:54,300 --> 01:14:57,200 [NIGEL] PEOPLE DON'T PROPERLY REFLECT ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT TO THEM. 1452 01:14:57,233 --> 01:14:59,233 NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE NASTY, THEY'RE JUST RUSHED. 1453 01:14:59,267 --> 01:15:02,833 YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE KIDS AND JOBS AND THINGS. 1454 01:15:02,867 --> 01:15:06,067 AND IT TAKES ONE OF THE BIG FOUR BEFORE THEY PROPERLY REFLECT. 1455 01:15:06,100 --> 01:15:08,367 SO DEATH, DISEASE, DIVORCE, REDUNDANCY. 1456 01:15:08,400 --> 01:15:09,733 AND WE ALL KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN-- 1457 01:15:09,767 --> 01:15:11,667 HAD TRAGEDY IN THEIR LIFE AND THEN THEY GO, 1458 01:15:11,700 --> 01:15:13,333 "DO YOU KNOW WHAT, I'VE HAD A THINK, 1459 01:15:13,367 --> 01:15:15,567 AND WHAT'S IMPORTANT, REALLY, IS THESE THINGS." 1460 01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:17,600 BUT IF THEY HADN'T HAD THOSE EVENTS IN THEIR LIFE, 1461 01:15:17,633 --> 01:15:19,533 THEY WOULDN'T HAVE STOPPED AND PAUSED, 1462 01:15:19,567 --> 01:15:23,267 AND THE POINT OF THE SWIM, IS IT MIGHT HELP SOMEBODY 1463 01:15:23,300 --> 01:15:26,500 DO THE REFLECTION WITHOUT HAVING TO GET TO THE BIG FOUR. 1464 01:15:26,533 --> 01:15:28,267 DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOUR WIFE HAS LEFT YOU 1465 01:15:28,300 --> 01:15:30,733 OR YOU GET SOME AWFUL ILLNESS OR WHATEVER. 1466 01:15:30,767 --> 01:15:32,600 HOW ABOUT HAVE A THINK. 1467 01:15:32,633 --> 01:15:34,767 AM I LIVING THE TYPE OF LIFE THAT I WANT? 1468 01:15:36,633 --> 01:15:37,800 [WOMAN] I LOVE IT! 1469 01:15:40,233 --> 01:15:43,133 [TARYN] WELL, I'VE JUST FINISHED THE SWIM 1470 01:15:43,167 --> 01:15:47,633 AND I FEEL COMPLETELY EXHILARATED AND REALLY HAPPY, 1471 01:15:47,667 --> 01:15:52,767 AND I JUST MET TWO WOMEN ON THE BEACH. 1472 01:15:52,800 --> 01:15:54,167 ONE WAS STANDING NEXT TO ME 1473 01:15:54,200 --> 01:15:56,167 AND SHE WAS A COMPLETE STRANGER 1474 01:15:56,200 --> 01:15:59,067 AND SHE JUST SQUEALS AND SAYS, 1475 01:15:59,100 --> 01:16:03,033 "AH! THERE'S ANOTHER WOMAN WITH ONE BOOB! JUST LIKE ME!" 1476 01:16:03,067 --> 01:16:09,033 AND SHE RAN OVER AND SHE HUGGED THE WOMAN WHO'D ALSO LOST A BOOB. 1477 01:16:09,067 --> 01:16:10,600 AND THESE WOMEN LOVE THEIR BODIES, 1478 01:16:10,633 --> 01:16:12,167 EVEN WITH ONE BOOB. 1479 01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:16,500 AND THEY WERE COURAGEOUS, AND THEY WERE BEAUTIFUL, 1480 01:16:16,533 --> 01:16:21,100 BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, AND THAT FOR ME WAS GOLD. 1481 01:16:21,133 --> 01:16:24,233 I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER FOUR YEARS AGO 1482 01:16:24,267 --> 01:16:26,667 WHEN I WAS PREGNANT WITH MY SECOND BABY. 1483 01:16:26,700 --> 01:16:29,267 I'M TURNING 40 THIS YEAR, 1484 01:16:29,300 --> 01:16:31,733 AND IT WAS JUST A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO EMBRACE 1485 01:16:31,767 --> 01:16:35,767 WHO I AM AND MY BODY NOW AS A MOM AND A WOMAN, 1486 01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:38,067 AND THIS IS A KINDA NEW ME, 1487 01:16:38,100 --> 01:16:39,633 AND I DON'T REALLY CARE. 1488 01:16:39,667 --> 01:16:42,100 A LOT OF IT WAS MY HUSBAND. 1489 01:16:42,133 --> 01:16:45,033 HE SAID, "WHAT DOES IT MATTER? IT'S JUST A BOOB." 1490 01:16:45,067 --> 01:16:48,233 AND MY KIDS DON'T CARE. I'VE GOT TWO BOYS. 1491 01:16:48,267 --> 01:16:50,800 THEY THINK IT'S KINDA FUNNY, AND A BIT KINDA COOL 1492 01:16:50,833 --> 01:16:52,733 THAT THEIR MOM'S ONLY GOT ONE BOOB. 1493 01:16:52,767 --> 01:16:56,567 -IT'S BEEN A BIT OF A BRAG-- -OH, BOYS! 1494 01:16:56,600 --> 01:16:59,800 AND WE'VE GOT A SAYING, LIKE, IF I GET OUT OF THE SHOWER OR SOMETHING AT HOME. 1495 01:16:59,833 --> 01:17:01,833 I SAY, "OH, WHERE'S MY BOOB GONE?" 1496 01:17:01,867 --> 01:17:06,200 AND I SAY, "OH, IT'S IN A JAR SOMEWHERE." 1497 01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:13,667 [TARYN] OVER TWO MONTHS AGO, 1498 01:17:13,700 --> 01:17:16,100 I SET OUT TO DISCOVER WHY SO MANY PEOPLE 1499 01:17:16,133 --> 01:17:19,367 HATE THEIR BODIES AND WHAT WE CAN DO ABOUT IT. 1500 01:17:21,467 --> 01:17:25,033 YOU KNOW, I THINK I FOUND SOME ANSWERS, 1501 01:17:25,067 --> 01:17:29,733 AND I'VE BEEN REALLY LUCKY TO CONNECT WITH SOME INCREDIBLE PEOPLE. 1502 01:17:29,767 --> 01:17:33,167 MAGAZINE EDITORS ARE CRITICIZED FOR WHAT THEY PUT ON THE COVER 1503 01:17:33,200 --> 01:17:35,167 AND THEIR USE OF MODELS AND PHOTOSHOPPING AND EVERYTHING, 1504 01:17:35,200 --> 01:17:37,767 AND THEY SAY, "BUT THAT'S WHAT WOMEN WANT." 1505 01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:39,333 IT'S NOT WHAT WOMEN WANT, 1506 01:17:39,367 --> 01:17:41,600 BECAUSE MAGAZINE CIRCULATION IS IN THE TOILET. 1507 01:17:41,633 --> 01:17:44,133 WOMEN WHOLEHEARTEDLY DO NOT WANT THAT. 1508 01:17:44,167 --> 01:17:46,300 AND THEY'RE VOTING WITH THEIR WALLETS NOW. 1509 01:17:46,333 --> 01:17:49,200 WE GET TO BE THE NEW MAGAZINE. 1510 01:17:49,233 --> 01:17:53,700 WE GET TO DEFINE WHAT TRUE BEAUTY IS, 1511 01:17:53,733 --> 01:17:57,267 WHAT IT'S LIKE TO REALLY FEEL COMFORTABLE IN OUR OWN SKIN, 1512 01:17:57,300 --> 01:18:00,333 WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A POSITIVE BODY IMAGE. 1513 01:18:00,367 --> 01:18:02,567 IT STARTS WITH PEOPLE SHARING THEIR STORIES. 1514 01:18:02,600 --> 01:18:05,467 IT'S STARTS WITH PEOPLE ALLEVIATING THEIR OWN SHAME. 1515 01:18:05,500 --> 01:18:09,067 IT STARTS WITH PEOPLE REALLY ACCEPTING OTHERS THE WAY THAT THEY ARE. 1516 01:18:09,100 --> 01:18:11,767 AND NOT JUST-- NOT ACTUALLY JUST TOLERATING THEM 1517 01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:15,633 OR JUST ACCEPTING THEM, BUT TRULY FINDING THAT THING 1518 01:18:15,667 --> 01:18:19,133 ABOUT ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL THAT YOU SEE AS BEING QUIRKY 1519 01:18:19,167 --> 01:18:24,067 OR DIFFERENT OR UNIQUE, AND JUST LOVING THEM FOR THAT. 1520 01:18:24,100 --> 01:18:27,133 NOW BEING IN THE STATE THAT I AM AND THAT I LOVE MY BODY 1521 01:18:27,167 --> 01:18:29,067 AND I CAN SAY, "HEY, IT'S GORGEOUS AND I'M PROUD OF IT," 1522 01:18:29,100 --> 01:18:31,567 I CAN FOCUS ON MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE. 1523 01:18:31,600 --> 01:18:33,767 LOOK AT YOURSELF NAKED. 1524 01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:36,200 CALL IT BEAUTIFUL EVEN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE YOURSELF. 1525 01:18:36,233 --> 01:18:37,667 FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. 1526 01:18:37,700 --> 01:18:39,500 SO, I WOULD SAY MY BODY IS LUSCIOUS. 1527 01:18:39,533 --> 01:18:41,600 IT IS SOFT, AND IT IS-- 1528 01:18:41,633 --> 01:18:46,067 IT'S COMFORTING TO MY CHILDREN AND TO MY HUSBAND. 1529 01:18:46,100 --> 01:18:47,667 I'D LIKE TO HAVE A SHAPE SHIFTER. 1530 01:18:47,700 --> 01:18:53,067 I'M SOFT. 1531 01:18:53,100 --> 01:18:54,767 AND I SMELL GOOD. 1532 01:18:56,667 --> 01:18:59,400 IT'S MINE. IT'S MY HOME. 1533 01:18:59,433 --> 01:19:00,667 IT'S MY FRIEND. 1534 01:19:00,700 --> 01:19:03,100 IT'S MY SOUL'S MATE. 1535 01:19:03,133 --> 01:19:05,467 IT'S BIG, 1536 01:19:05,500 --> 01:19:07,667 IT'S BEAUTIFUL, 1537 01:19:07,700 --> 01:19:10,367 AND IT'S DANGEROUSLY CURVY. 1538 01:19:14,633 --> 01:19:17,700 [TARYN] THERE IS SO MUCH GOODNESS IN THE WORLD, 1539 01:19:17,733 --> 01:19:20,800 AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SHARE WITH YOU EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNT. 1540 01:19:22,833 --> 01:19:25,200 IN YOUR LIFETIME, THERE WILL BE PEOPLE WHO WILL 1541 01:19:25,233 --> 01:19:29,633 TRY TO TELL YOU THAT YOU NEED TO CHANGE, BUT YOU DON'T. 1542 01:19:29,667 --> 01:19:32,200 THE PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE IS NOT TO BE AN ORNAMENT 1543 01:19:32,233 --> 01:19:35,567 TO BE LOOKED AT, BUT RATHER TO DO AND FEEL 1544 01:19:35,600 --> 01:19:37,733 AND ACCOMPLISH AND CONTRIBUTE. 1545 01:19:39,367 --> 01:19:42,633 DARLING GIRL, DON'T MAKE MY MISTAKES. 1546 01:19:42,667 --> 01:19:46,333 DON'T WASTE A SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE BEING AT WAR WITH YOUR BODY. 1547 01:19:51,800 --> 01:19:53,700 JUST EMBRACE IT. 1548 01:20:00,867 --> 01:20:05,367 * YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL 1549 01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:08,700 * THE WAY THAT YOU ARE 1550 01:20:08,733 --> 01:20:12,033 * THE WAY THAT YOU ARE * 1551 01:20:28,867 --> 01:20:32,633 * FUCK WHAT THEY ALL SAY 1552 01:20:35,667 --> 01:20:39,800 * YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL 1553 01:20:39,833 --> 01:20:43,467 * THE WAY THAT YOU ARE 1554 01:20:43,500 --> 01:20:47,400 * THE WAY THAT YOU ARE * 1555 01:20:49,733 --> 01:20:53,800 * YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL 1556 01:20:53,833 --> 01:20:57,333 * THE WAY THAT YOU ARE 1557 01:20:57,367 --> 01:21:01,033 * THE WAY THAT YOU ARE * 1558 01:21:03,600 --> 01:21:05,467 * OH 1559 01:21:10,767 --> 01:21:15,233 * YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL 1560 01:21:15,267 --> 01:21:18,667 * THE WAY THAT YOU ARE 1561 01:21:18,700 --> 01:21:22,400 * THE WAY THAT YOU ARE * 1562 01:21:24,733 --> 01:21:29,167 * YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL 1563 01:21:29,200 --> 01:21:33,467 * THE WAY THAT YOU ARE 1564 01:21:33,500 --> 01:21:36,267 * WHOA 1565 01:21:38,667 --> 01:21:40,467 * 1566 01:22:08,767 --> 01:22:11,833 * WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR 1567 01:22:11,867 --> 01:22:16,500 * THOSE VOICES INSIDE MY HEAD * 1568 01:22:16,533 --> 01:22:18,733 * WHERE DID THEY COME FROM 1569 01:22:18,767 --> 01:22:23,667 * AND WHY DO I BELIEVE THE THINGS THEY SAID? * 1570 01:22:23,700 --> 01:22:29,467 * THEY ALWAYS TELL ME I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH * 1571 01:22:29,500 --> 01:22:33,067 * SO I'M NOT LISTENING ANYMORE * 1572 01:22:33,100 --> 01:22:37,167 * UNLESS THE VOICE IS LOVE 1573 01:22:37,200 --> 01:22:39,100 * 'CAUSE I AM THE BEST 1574 01:22:39,133 --> 01:22:43,533 * THAT I COULD EVER BE 1575 01:22:43,567 --> 01:22:46,333 * WHEN I SAY I LOVE 1576 01:22:46,367 --> 01:22:51,433 * EVERY SINGLE PART OF ME 1577 01:22:51,467 --> 01:22:54,200 * HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN TRYING * 1578 01:22:54,233 --> 01:22:57,433 * TO BE LIKE SOMEONE ELSE 1579 01:22:57,467 --> 01:23:00,833 * WHEN THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO CHANGE * 1580 01:23:00,867 --> 01:23:06,200 * IS THE WAY I SEE MYSELF? 1581 01:23:08,867 --> 01:23:11,833 * WHEN THE MAGAZINE'S OPEN 1582 01:23:11,867 --> 01:23:16,300 * PERFECTION IS ALL WE SEE 1583 01:23:16,333 --> 01:23:20,033 * WHO DECIDED THAT'S WHAT 1584 01:23:20,067 --> 01:23:23,567 * BEAUTY REALLY MEANS? 1585 01:23:23,600 --> 01:23:25,667 * WE'RE ALWAYS STRIVING 1586 01:23:25,700 --> 01:23:29,333 * TO BE SOMETHING THAT'S NOT EVEN REAL * 1587 01:23:29,367 --> 01:23:33,033 * SO I'M NOT LOOKING THERE ANYMORE * 1588 01:23:33,067 --> 01:23:37,133 * THAT'S NOT HOW I WANNA FEEL * 1589 01:23:37,167 --> 01:23:39,100 * 'CAUSE I AM THE BEST 1590 01:23:39,133 --> 01:23:43,533 * THAT I CAN EVER BE 1591 01:23:43,567 --> 01:23:46,333 * WHEN I SAY I LOVE 1592 01:23:46,367 --> 01:23:51,433 * EVERY SINGLE PART OF ME 1593 01:23:51,467 --> 01:23:54,333 * HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN TRYING * 1594 01:23:54,367 --> 01:23:57,633 * TO BE LIKE SOMEONE ELSE 1595 01:23:57,667 --> 01:24:01,033 * WHEN THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO CHANGE * 1596 01:24:01,067 --> 01:24:06,500 * IS THE WAY I SEE MYSELF? 1597 01:24:06,533 --> 01:24:12,233 * OOH, LOOK IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS * 1598 01:24:12,267 --> 01:24:15,200 * OOH 1599 01:24:15,233 --> 01:24:19,333 * THE ANSWER IS INSIDE US 1600 01:24:19,367 --> 01:24:22,400 * OOH 1601 01:24:22,433 --> 01:24:26,267 * WITH A LITTLE MORE AWARENESS * 1602 01:24:26,300 --> 01:24:29,467 * OOH 1603 01:24:29,500 --> 01:24:33,633 * I BELIEVE THAT WE CAN CHANGE THIS * 1604 01:24:33,667 --> 01:24:36,667 * WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR SISTERS * 1605 01:24:36,700 --> 01:24:41,267 * BROTHERS, PARENTS, CHILDREN, TOO * 1606 01:24:41,300 --> 01:24:43,500 * SOMETIMES PROJECTING 1607 01:24:43,533 --> 01:24:48,233 * THE JUDGMENTS WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH * 1608 01:24:48,267 --> 01:24:50,667 * YOU GOTTA REMEMBER 1609 01:24:50,700 --> 01:24:54,233 * KINDNESS IS A MAGICAL SPELL * 1610 01:24:54,267 --> 01:24:57,467 * OUR LOVE CAN REACH THE REST OF THE WORLD * 1611 01:24:57,500 --> 01:25:01,800 * IF WE TRULY LOVE OURSELVES 1612 01:25:01,833 --> 01:25:04,167 * YOU DO THE BEST THING 1613 01:25:04,200 --> 01:25:08,333 * YOU COULD EVER DO 1614 01:25:08,367 --> 01:25:11,167 * WHEN YOU SAY I LOVE 1615 01:25:11,200 --> 01:25:16,200 * EVERY SINGLE PART OF YOU 1616 01:25:16,233 --> 01:25:22,200 * HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN JUDGING EVERYBODY ELSE * 1617 01:25:22,233 --> 01:25:27,600 * WHEN THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO DO IS LEARN * 1618 01:25:27,633 --> 01:25:33,267 * LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF? 1619 01:25:34,600 --> 01:25:39,600 * OOH, OH, YEAH 1620 01:25:40,867 --> 01:25:44,167 * HEY 1621 01:25:44,200 --> 01:25:46,833 * HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN TRYING * 1622 01:25:46,867 --> 01:25:50,500 * TO BE LIKE SOMEONE ELSE 1623 01:25:50,533 --> 01:25:54,733 * WHEN THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO CHANGE IS * 1624 01:25:54,767 --> 01:25:57,067 * WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA 1625 01:25:57,100 --> 01:25:59,400 * WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER 1626 01:25:59,433 --> 01:26:03,133 * TOGETHER, TOGETHER 1627 01:26:03,167 --> 01:26:05,733 * LEARN TO LOVE OURSELVES 1628 01:26:05,767 --> 01:26:08,267 * WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER 1629 01:26:08,300 --> 01:26:10,267 * TOGETHER 1630 01:26:10,300 --> 01:26:12,667 * TO LOVE OURSELVES 1631 01:26:12,700 --> 01:26:15,300 * WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER 1632 01:26:15,333 --> 01:26:17,733 * TOGETHER 1633 01:26:17,767 --> 01:26:19,833 * WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER 1634 01:26:19,867 --> 01:26:22,500 * LEARN TO LOVE OURSELF 1635 01:26:22,533 --> 01:26:26,067 * LEARN TO LOVE OURSELF